Hope Ain't Easy

Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for my sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets before you.

Matthew 5:11-12

Those two pretty difficult sayings from the sermon on the mount would be impossible without faith. Faith and hope. Those are pretty words, often found on necklaces and smoothed stones in gardens.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

Look at mourning. What is mourning, when you have the deep hope of the resurrection burning inside of you? It is a time of sadness, a time of remembrance. It is sadness for what has been taken out of this world, but has been brought into glory and peace, with no more pain and no more sorrow. It becomes pretty clear that mourning with hope and without hope are two different animals.

Look at suffering. 

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character, and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Hope doesn't disappoint. As it is growing and manifesting inside of us, it is growing something stronger than we are. But it does sound like a painful process. I've heard something pretty deep, recently. Some people have made the joke, “Don't pray for patience, because God will send you a reason to grow some.” And then they take it to heart, and avoid praying for it, asking for God to give them much needed growth. Stunting themselves by refusal to ask for a much needed thing.

If we want hope, we can't hide from that process either. It certainly seems to me that what we call hope can be wishful thinking when it doesn't go through the process of being real, seasoned mature and cultivated. When we resist tribulations, then we resist perseverance, then our character isn't made stronger, and hope can't exist.

Let's look at how the bible defines hope- ...even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly awaiting the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.  

Romans 8:23b-25 

Hope is something living, eager, growing, pushing. Hope is as much of a verb as love is. Hope isn't easy or pretty or sugar coated. Hope is passion, a glimmer of the glory of the Holy Spirit shining through us, enableing us to call on Jesus in our troubles, to call Him Lord even when everything is hurting so bad, and to believe that we will be comforted, we will be blessed, and he will be with us.

And now abide faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Amen? 

Two Passionate People

Luke 18:1-8
Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart, saying; "There was in  a certain city a judge who did not fear God nor regard man. Now there was a widow in that city; and she came to him, saying, 'Get justice for me from my adversary.' And he would not for a while, but afterward he said within himself, 'Though I do not fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.'"
Then the Lord said, "Hear what the unjust judge said. And shall God not avenge his own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though he bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on this earth?


That makes me think of the father of the child who was demon possessed, who is heart broken by the torment of his child. He says, "...But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possile to him who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9 22b-24)

Just think of the passion of these two people. That first woman, pounding on that door. "I have been wronged! This is not fair, and someone is going to do something about this. You are the judge. I don't care if you fear God or regard man! I'm a woman, and I may not have alot of power, but I do have a voice the power to disrupt your sleep until you do something for me. I do have the power to get all over your nerves, not just on them. I will be your shadow. I will wait for you because I have been WRONGED. Avenge me of my adversary. Avenge me. Avenge me now. Do you hear me, judge? AVENGE ME.

Think of this father. This child that he loved with all his heart was being tormented by a demon. This demon threw his baby to the ground, threw him into fire and water trying to kill him again and again. His child foamed at the mouth and wallowed like an animal with rabies. Tormenting thoughts probably gushing into his brain constantly, his voice stolen by liars, his ears stopped by liars. The burns, the scars, the abuse, the exhaustion, never knowing if his child would live to feel freedom again. This father was probably in as much of a need of healing as the child was, living through this. Think of his passion. He heard of some people that would be able to help. He probably didn't fully dare to believe that this nightmare could be over. These disciples tried, but couldn't. They couldn't. He probably didn't have many words left, just gulping out. They couldn't, but IF you can, please, have compassion. See the suffering. See the hell. Help us. I have absolutely nothing else to contribute, so if you can't do it, there's no hope. Jesus with all his authority rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!" Then the spirit cried out, convulsed him greatly, and came out of him.


This is such a dark place to live. And Christians, acknowledge it. Let's ask God to avenge us of our adversaries. Let's ask for our faith to be increased. Let's recognize sin's ugly face and do something about it.

The disciples, maybe in shame and or bewilderment asked Jesus why they couldn't cast it out. Jesus answered, "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting."

Matthew 24:41
Watch and prayer, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is week.

The temptation today is to accept sin as a characteristic. To applaud and lobby for sin. To put the desires of the world above the word of God. To sink into the world. To not count the cost of being a Christian. What does that cost mean to you? What are you passionate about? Are you ready to get on God's nerves? Bazinga. You can't. Are you ready to ask him to grow your faith? Are you ready to...gulp....fast and pray? That's a particularly hard one for me. Ask my husband, I'm a grouch when I'm hungry. But if God gives me the strength, I can do that too. Hey, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Are you ready?

Touching Heaven via Africans in Swtizerland

I hope I didn't make a wrong impression from the beginning, that the only point of this blog would be confronting sinful attitudes on a platform and a lot of cut and paste bible verses. For anyone who takes the time to read my long long blog, insert link to black and white prophet, I thank you. I didn't just google verses, I read all of them before hand, as I gathered my confused, hurting heart together to seek God's will in my life, and in my reaction to family members stumbling around over the evil spirit of confusion.

The breathe we have in our lungs was given to us to express God's goodness. Today, I performed at an African church. And because I was performing, I had to hold back tears sometimes. For silly reasons. Because I was feeling free! Because I missed that feeling of exuberance and joy. Because I was handed a tamborine. I don't remember the last time I was handed a tamborine. Because at the end of one of the plays, my character was choosing to stick to the straight and narrow path, and people were clapping and praising God. Because African churches make me feel homesick.

That is such a symbol of how big God is. That in totally different cultures, I felt the pull of my real home. After the service, music was playing loudly and I danced steps I didn't know as pounding rhythms pulled me to return to a place I've never been. Where there is no more pain and no more sorrow, where every tear will be wiped away. Where no one is strange or disfigured in heart or soul. Where no one is held captive to fear or worry.

Here's some truth to chew on, to write upon your hearts, to get you through whatever you are going through right now.

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.

Psalm 56 8-9

You number my wanderings; Put my tears into your bottle; Are they not in Your book? When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This is know, because God is for me.

Broken People- A Poem

I thought since my last post was so ridiculously long, I would put a short poem here today.

Broken people, past the Christian cliches

Hiding from sorrow, scraping off pain

Through a glass darkly

Human limitations tinted glass

doesn't let a lot of light in

Provider, Comforter, Healer- Truth self sustained

What I don't understand is what you have to gain

From me...bruised as my blindness led me confidently

into solid defeat

But my defeat became my salvation, leading me to your patient arms.

Bless you, and thank you for reading. 

The Black and White Prophet

I have been on a journey through the bible, and a lot is becoming clear to me. As the bible is living and breathing and changing my heart, and reforming my mind through the Holy Spirit, I can't be quiet any more. ..His word was in my heart like a burning fire, shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, And I could not.-Jeremiah 20:9b

This is what this blog is about. I actually created this blog to post things like this. Because I am getting weary of holding the truth back. 

2 Chronicles 29:5

Hear me, Levites! Now sanctify yourselves, sanctify the house of the Lord God of your fathers, and carry out the rubbish from the holy place.

This is a clear call to Christians. We have a responsibility to clear out God's temple. Our bodies, our souls, our attitudes, and anything that is not honoring to God.

“...that our God may enlighten our eyes and give us a measure of revival in our bondage.” Ezra 9:8b

Psalm 119:125

I am Your servant Lord; Give me understanding, That I may know your testimonies. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO ACT, O LORD, For they have reguarded Your law as void. Therefore I love your commandments More than gold, yes, than fine gold! Therefore all your precepts concerning all things I consider to be right; I hate every false way.

God doesn't make mistakes. I won't put this verse in, I'll leave some things to be looked up. Psalm 139:13-16

It is time for those who follow Christ to be different.

If you only read one of these verses, read this one.

Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil; Who put darkness for light and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!

This is what I must say. What I must address. I can't be quiet. The truth is pushing down on me. And this wicked world of acceptance of everything is evil. Of course I believe in the love of God. This is what Easter is about. Of course I know that no one is perfect.

That is also what Easter is about. That this world was and is so lost without Jesus. That God's price for sin is so incredibly high because he abhors sin that much.

For a brief history lesson, God had warned the children of Israel to turn from idols, from horrific things, from sins that would make some talk shows  blush. From burning babies on alters to false Gods, to...other horrific things. God had warned them over and over again, that his wrath would fall on them because IT. WAS. NOT. RIGHT.

Then He was preparing to send them to Babylonia. If they went were he sent them, they would live. If they didn't, they would die. He told them to accept this plan. And they still didn't listen. He told them- Don't trust in people. Don't go where it looks safe, for example Egypt. If you run, you will die. If you accept the words of my prophets, you will live. And they said. "Hmm...I think I'll go to Egypt. And then lamenting began, as they started to die. Oh God! Why is this happening? Will you be angry forever?

There were plenty of false prophets saying, “Peace, peace, everything is peachy. Don't worry, be happy.” 

These false dudes were like, "How dare you speak anything negative!" 

When real prophets that were doing what God told them to do said the truth, they were tortured, they were mocked, they were put to death. People didn't want to hear the truth. And of course they *almost never will when that means they have to change.

That is the world viewpoint we have to live with, shoved down our throats on a daily basis. False prophets saying, ”Peace, peace. Do what feels right.” They twist phrases Jesus said about “not judging” to mean, don't speak the truth. Offending anyone is equal to saying the holocaust didn't happen or kicking puppies. Reading the bible is okay, but preaching any of the messy things is not such a good idea.

There aren't enough people who FEAR THE LORD ANYMORE.

Jeremiah sums it up pretty well-

Be astonished, O heavens at this, And be horribly afraid; Be very desolate, says the LORD. For my people have commited two evils; They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, And hewn themselves cisterns- broken cisterns that can hold no water. (Jeremiah 2:12-13)

If we have the truth inside of us, if we know Jesus is the truth, why are we putting up with false attitudes? Why are we dry and chapped and thirsty and wondering why broken cisterns aren't holding any water? Why have we come so far from the living water, and built up idols of worry, of acceptance that is really just thinly veiled thinking that sin doesn't exist, and that Jesus isn't the only door to heaven?

Why are we giving up and living like we don't have hope? Like truth doesn't exist? Why are we playing the part of false prophets by acting like there is nothing wrong when people live in sin? People that have known the truth?

We are supposed to love all people. But we are not supposed to accept sin and live buddy buddy with it. There is such thing as a responceability, that Ezekiel makes very clear.

“When I say to the wicked, “You shall surely die, and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. Yet, if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul.” (Ezekiel 4:18-19)


God is not cold and mean. Look at this.

Ezekiel 18:23- “Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? Says the Lord GOD, “and not that he should turn from his ways and live? When  a righteous man turns away from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and does according to all the abominations that the wicked man does, shall he live? All the righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; because of the unfaithfulness of which he is guilty and the sin which he has committed, because of them he shall die.

Maybe it's been awhile since we've had any inkling at all of how big the Lord is. That he fills the heavens and the earth. That he created the whole thing. Maybe it's been along time since you really thought on the sacrifice that he made, the horrible, undefinable pain he endured on that cross. He submitted to it. He did it because of love. Because he loved us just that much.
 The great I AM, lived as a human, and allowed his skin to be pierced, flogged and ripped. Maybe you are more afraid of people than him. Maybe you want to follow Jesus, but you want to follow the pleasures of the world a lot more.

Turn and live. Really live. What is your priority?


I choose to submit to the truth, no matter the cost. 

A new place to put controversial opinions!

I have had a myspace, where I wrote notes. It is still out there, gathering electronic dust. I have a facebook that is a main source of contact to the world. I have a twitter that I look at...maybe a few times every couple of months. I think I started a live journal but I never ever checked it. Then the threatening emails came saying, "Do something or we will cancel this! The end is near!" And I said, in my heart of hearts, "meh." I started a blog somewhere else, but I forgot where it was.

I was inspired to start one again, in light of my vigorous bible reading plan, thoughts about that, and opinions that I'd rather be more bold about, but would rather not shout out on my facebook. I'd rather have a place where I can write that is not so public, but that anyone who wants to can read it. Be offended, fight, agree, think, whatever. They can know it's here, they can ignore it just as easily as they can click on it. So that's my reasoning.

So for this short introduction, I will explain why I chose this name, "The Longing Heart." It's from Psalm 106:8-9-  "Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for his goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfies the longing soul, And fills the hungry soul with goodness."

I think that speaks for itself.