Man, I can't write an status update on
facebook to sum up the things I want to talk about. There's too much.
I've been wanting to write about this new call to France, or rather,
Frankophone Europe (French speaking Europe, for those of you that
might not know that. I didn't know it until a few weeks ago.)
During this past retreat, which is a
wonderful time of being together and getting closer to the Lord and
our call and the community of Covenant Players- my awareness that
there was a real need for someone to go to France was growing. This
was the area that always sounded the most difficult. I didn't feel
connected to the language, and I had heard so much negative stuff
about it. When our supervisors asked us, we were ready to say “Yes.”
We knew it was where the Lord wanted us to go. And then began our
French immersion. Learning plays phonetically and letting go of the
German language and our old area. We had said our goodbyes, so it
wasn't such a shock. Of course, as soon as I started trying to put
French into my brain, the only thing that came out was Swedish.
(Which is only bits and bobs, so no one thinks I'm “that” amazing
at languages. )
To be agonizingly honest, because I
guess I'm really determined to be human and real- I had a breakdown
working on my second French play. (SEARCH was nothing- DEPEND ON IT
broke me down.) I cried onto my script in front of my poor brand new
Unit Leader. Praise the Lord, he's an encouraging, prayerful,
positive in every sense of the word man of God, so it didn't
intimidate him. He just kept saying “I know you can do it! You are
awesome! You can do it!” It helped, the Lord was there, and I got
those 2 first roles in French for unit showcasing. (Which is where
each unit performs for the campus as a way to prepare for the first
programs of tour.)
I was more scared for that first
official French PD than I was for coming to CP in the first place,
than my first rollar coaster, than seeing a spider crawl on me,
than.....I don't know what else I was more scared than, but I was
scared. A lot. The PD happened, and the old folks loved it and all
was okay.
And then we got to our next host home,
and I met Evelyn. A former Covenant Player who had to stop traveling
because of MS. Multiple
sclerosis. And we talked and talked. She is so happy. She is stuck in
a wheelchair, she can't feed herself, she can't remember names for
very long, and she can't play with her nieces and nephews. But she
can talk, and sing, and worship, and her hope is so strong, nothing
can take it away. She talked about how she loved to perform, and she
even loved the contact work. She loved being around people. Her Mom
said that when she was a little girl, a traveling missionary came to
her sunday school class, and she said, “Hey! Why aren't we
traveling missionaries?”
She
was so open about not wanting to feel sorry for herself, and when she
would talk about what was hard, she would then light up and say, “But
I'm so happy because you are here! Because it's so good to see
Covenant Players! And I'm happy because of Jesus! I'm so excited for
heaven! I'm so happy to talk to you!” I shared a song with her, “I
Can Only Imagine”, and she just lit up inside and out. She wanted
me to sing it again. She wanted to find it and listen to it again and
again. She said, “I want to dance for Jesus!” She said these
things with a beautiful, real, sincere smile.
Later
on I looked at some quotes I've collected and got hit with equally
big convictions.
“Doubt
is self-fulfilling.”
“Our
citizenship demands that we have a different mindset.”
Thank
the Lord for spiritual smacks upside the head.
Now
I'm working with less fear, and with less expectancy to get the lines
as fast as I get English and German ones. Now I'm full of joy that
is as real as the air I breathe. Joy in the fact that God is in
control and it's not a toothy, silly wackiness, but a confidence. Confidence in the hope that I have. We
are called, we are here, and He is with us, and if God is for us, who
can be against us?
