Crushing Therapy

If the me of a half a year could see the me of now- it would be disgusted. I have broken one of my cardinal laws of facebook. I have started playing a facebook game. I crush candy. The ovens are heating and the candy is being sampled right now. Before I crush it.
I am coming to an end in my life and it hurts and I hide from it with games and t.v. and my thoughts are so full. It's like a poem I read once about the joy of a small body being fit to burst. I am probably messing that line up royally, but the feeling has stuck. Too many emotions for one small surface. I am not a tardis, I am small and I don't have so much space. But the electricity of change and of being alive and feeling makes me feel infinite. It makes me feel like my soul is swireling around in my belly and surging and reaching.

My husband and I are going to the States this Christmas. I will not be able to call my country "The States" anymore. I will not be getting the looks of "Oooh, cool foreigner" when I announce where I am from. (I will still have to explain that yes, I am from Utah, but no, I am not mormon, nor do I share my husband with any other women.)

I feel like my world is going to get so much smaller being around people that so often refuse to see that the world is bigger. I feel sick about how I am going to miss my friends, but I don't want to let an unacceptance to change turn me into a difficult, whiny gollum who doesn't fit anywhere.

Change can't go without acceptance. Acceptance means, "This is it, This is where you are. You aren't there anymore. You are here. Here is good. There is not bad, but it is not anymore. It is a memory that can either help you or it can hold you back. Don't turn there into a sour thing, or a "good old days" It was all so easy and fun and perfect! Because that's just dumb.

I know the Lord is giving me wisdom and allowing me to feel a bit of a release, as I need it. I have never been a fan of the fast bandaid. I have needed it to feel real a little bit at a time. It still doesn't feel completely real. We are leaving Europe this month. Okay. I think I need to crush some candy before I cry.

I didn't say I'd reached total wisdom in this process.

Juicy spicy drama...

I am not giving up on telling the story (as the details excite me and seem like they deserve to have light shed on them) of the list of names that make up the geneology of Jesus. 

In fact, I want to go through some of the smallest details at a time. 

This takes place between Genesis 25-38

\Isaac had two son's, Jacob and Esau. Twins. Jacob took advantage of his brothers hunger one day and disguised himself as his brother per the advice of his Mother. 

Jacob fell in love with Rachel and was tricked into marrying her sister first. Didn't find out until the morning after. Leah was not loved as much as Rachel. (Rachel stole idols from her Father's household.)

Rachel was the mother of Joseph and Benjamin.

Leah was the mother of Judah, as well as Levi.

It was Judah's idea to save his brother Joseph's life by selling him as a slave. Everyone but Reuben wanted to kill him. The kid was always bragging about being the favorite and having dreams about his brothers bowing down to him. Not big on tact was he. 

I'm going to skip Joseph's famous technicolor story and stick to Judah, because He's the one actually in Jesus lineage. 

So looking at those facts- we see that Matthew Chapter one includes a con artist that gets conned, an unloved woman, and a man who participates in the slave trade. 

But it gets better. Judah goes and leaves his lovely brothers and finds a woman and has some offspring. Er, Onan, and Shelah by name. Judah gets wives for them. 

Er marries Tamar. Er is wicked. God kills him. Judah tells Onan to carry on the line of his brother by impregnating Tamar. Onan "cheats." God kills him too. 

Judah tells Tamar to wait until Shelah is old enough to be of marrying age. Tamar is forgotten. 

I love this part. Tamar gets sick and tired of being forgotten and she dresses up like a prostitute. Judah comes along and takes her up on her offer. He asks her how he can deliver his payment of a goat. She asks for a pledge until he can send it, and takes his staff. The most recognizable thing a man can have. And he hands it over and she changes out of her prostitute duds and puts her widow clothing back on. When the word comes that she is pregnant, Judah is ticked off and is demanding her death.

She brings out the staff, and says, the Father is the owner. And he said, "She is more righteous than I, because I did not give her to Shelah my son." And she had twins, Perez and Zerah. 

Judah slept with his son's widow who was dressed as a prostitute because he didn't keep his promise. And there are people out there that think it's a boring book?! 

I know I'm not usually one to fish, but it sure would help me to feel more motivated to do this if I knew people read it and got some feedback now and then. Thanks for reading and I pray it blesses and inspires someone to pick up a Bible for the first time or to get back into it. 

 

I counter your culture with a clash!

This blog hasn't been the most consistant one, and I do hope that I will continue to find my style and give people a desire to read more of what I have to say. Not for any reason other than that I have something worth listening to. What is on my mind is not in my series on the line of Jesus, which I am still interested in, and am still reading and waiting for something to smack me in the face with inspiration.

What is on my mind is a lot of thoughts which may actually be a bit discombobulated,  but they feel important enough to be said, even if they aren't in the proper order.

What's amazing to me is the limits people put on life. Work is what you do between hobbies. Passion is what you save for the last moments of the night. I love you is said and felt what times are tough. Good is what you do to get something you want. Good enough is the standard for work. Feeling good is what happens when the work is heaved off of the shoulders and freedom and relaxation starts in. Purpose and calling are odd concepts. A “call” is often convenient Christianese for doing or not doing something that would be hard to explain otherwise. That call is generally doing something you really want or don't want to do. A sense of a call is a terrifying thing that doesn't promise enough of what is considered valid and important by the worlds standards.

Why can't a job be a hobby, a passion, and (bad word alert)....fun? Why can't a calling be a real thing that is known and confirmed by the Lord? Why are people so unable to bring themselves to learn about ministries that may be perfect for them? Why is everyone so scared of actually asking God what their call is?

Imagine if there were a place to work, where no one was considered, by the management, or themselves as marginal? What if there was a calling where everyone worked with as much passion for what they did for their living as a lot of other people put into their hobbies? What if these people were so united in their love and concern for one another as the early church was? Distributing what they had between each other so that no one had an unmet need? What if people could be saved from the boring, listless lackluster promise of two happy days in the week? What if the Lord had a home for you across the world? Best friends saved for you to discover them? What if the pleasure of what you got to do got you out of bed each morning?

Listen. If you have ever considered yourself someone that likes learning, performing, traveling, people, serving, healing, worshiping, comforting, caring, administrating, dreaming, planning, and growing, think about looking into ministries that excite you towards those ends. There are probably a million words ending in “ing” that can glorify the Lord and bring joy in the process. 

And don't say you don't feel “called.” Not yet. Not until you have actually learned more about what these ministries teams are about. Don't take the easy way out in saying that. You might miss out and never get another chance.  

I'd love to hear about different ministries that exist out there, and to hear about how people use their passions and creative talents to serve one another and honor the Lord by not hiding what he has given them. Please, share with me! Write or comment and spread the word about your goals and prayer needs. Let's be aware of our brothers and sisters out there. Share about a ministry you think should exist. Share about the needs you see around you in your sphere of influence. Share about how you plan on being part of the change. If you don't want to share it here, share it with someone else who sees those same needs and wants just as much to help. 

We really have no right to be bored or lazy. Let's go above and beyond! It's so much more exciting that way!

Tired of Waiting

I wish I knew when things would start happenind the way I'd like them too. Abram kept getting these big, beautiful promises from God. But it sure looked like God was taking his sweet time delivering them.

Genesis, outlines the bare facts of his story, (From Chapter 15) Abraham had to wait 25 years to get the son he was waiting for.  The son of the promise, by which his desendants would be like the stars in the sky, by which all the families of the earth would be blessed.
He was 100 years old when this son was born. And then the Lord tested him, the way that God the Father would be so many years later.
He was told to sacrifice his one and only son. The boy didn't know what was going to happen. He understood about sacrifice, and wondered where the lamb was. Abraham (as his name was finally changed by this point) said that the Lord would provide it. Isaac was carrying the wood, just like Jesus would carry his wooden beam. Abraham was carrying a burning torch and a knife. He was ready to be obediant. He had always listened to this point. But how did it feel? It took so long to finally have his own son. His wife was 90 years old when she gave birth. His miracle, his pride and his answer to prayer was going to die. How was it when he laid his boy out on that alter. How did the look in his son's eyes peirce his soul?
"Papa! What are you doing? Is this what the Lord wants?" Did he try to stop him? Did he willingly sit still and wait if he understood that this was His Father's act of obediance?
How was it holding that knife in his hand, heavy, painful, disgusting? How was it restraining his son and placing him up there on the wood? How was it reaching with that knife?
God stopped him. He wouldn't let it happen. He was just seeing if Abraham was willing to put obediance first, even when it didn't make sense. To see if his faith was stronger than his own will.
The Lord spoke from heaven and told him not to do it. I wonder if Isaac heard the voice? I wonder if he had any idea how close he was? I wonder how long and crushingly hard Abraham hugged his son afterwards.

We all love to read the promises God pours out, but its not easy to think of the sacrifice he might ask of us. To give up what we love? What we want? What we think we need to fulfill the plan he has for us.

A ram was left to take Isaax's place. And he lifted his son off of the rock, and maybe together they finished the ritual. The place was named, "The-Lord-will-provide."

I haven't had to wait 25 years to recieve the things I'm sure God has promised me. I haven't had to give up or be willing to give up anything ridiculously difficult. To truly follow God means obediance whether we agree or not. Whether we consider the Lord God of the universe to have thought things through adequately or not. Giving up and letting Him have His way is the only option.

It isn't enough to thank Jesus for being the lamb that was provided to take away our sins, but to not acknowledge Him as King and to live under His standards of holiness and purity.

Abram-An incomplete man

Here we are, at the beginning of this epic journey!

(You can see the introduction to this series here.)

Here is where it started. Abram. This is the man to whom God gave the first promise. Genesis 11 tells the story of Babel, and there is a list of names which leads to a lot of names that we don't know, and then to Abram and Lot, whom many people know. I want to tell the story in a new light. I want to bring out the drama. I am sick of stained glass windows of serene faced people in struggles. Every church I go into has high ceilings and clean floors and the dirt, pain and struggle in the bible is replaced by rich colors and flourishes.

Abram was kind of a loser. He was a foreigner. His wife was barren. That was the shame. Those women without children were nothing. They were disppointment. She had one thing going for her. She was hot.

The Lord spoke to Abram-"Get out of your country, from your family And from your father's house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name great. And you shall be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed." Genesis 12:1-3

How must he have felt? How would you feel to have this promise come to you from God? No ammount of thanking or prostrating could have equaled the action of obediance to get up and go, like Abram did. The faith to step out with everything on his back and say, Okay. I'm here. I believe you. I TRUST you. And that was counted to him as righteousness.

I'd imagine the fear and excitement and joy propelled him as he packed. The Lord God Almighty said HE was going to bless me! He said he was going to use me to be a blessing to the earth! He will make me a great nation! Me! A childless man!
There was nothing he could do but pack. There was nothing he could do but go. God gave him a promise. Maybe there wasn't as much joy. Maybe it was with heavy footsteps that he left everything he knew behind. Maybe he didn't tell anyone why he was leaving because he knew how impossible it sounded.

Along the journey, the Lord actually appeared to him! (vs.7) And He reafirmed his promise to him with the specifics. This is it. This is land I am giving to your descendants. Abram built an alter. That was all he knew how to do. Then he kept going, and built another one, and called on the name of the Lord. The Lord was bringing Him into a relationship, a conversation, a bond. He had so far to go.

An Incredible Story- The introduction

Matthew Chapter 1 has captured me. It is an incredible story. No, that's not right. It's alot of stories. So many stories that don't get told very often (that I know of) that deserve to be told. Stories of people that believed in what was promised. People that stood up against what was wrong. People that believed that God was more real than their current situations. People that had no idea that from their faithfulness and their struggle, that their names would be listed to prove to the world that Jesus is the messiah. They didn't know when or how redemption would come. They didn't know God's mighty purpose to redeem the world.

I can't even begin to imagine how many books have already been written on this subject, how much informaton has already been assimilated. But I do want to do this for me, as much as for anyone that might be willing to join me on this journey.

I am the least

It's funny in my life, living with so much dependancy on others, how I can forget to be humble about what I have recieved. The food, the bed, the time, everything I need. I can just come to expect it because it is always there. In my life, sometimes I have felt like a ghost. A non entity.

To anyone I am trying to reach on the phone, I am just a distraction from what they have been doing. Unless I reach a secretary, and it's their job to answer the phone and pass me onto the right person. I have to try to convince people in a few rushed minutes that I am worth talking to. My information is something they could really benefit from.

I am contacting people because I need a place to perform my theater because I break my mind (rather than my back) learning French lines, trying to be faithful to this job and darn it, I want to do ministry. I am contacting them because I believe in what I do. That makes up such a huge part of our lives. I would rather be performing of course!

When we work with schools and churches, we ask them to house us, as a part of our financial arrangement.
When we don't have performances, we have to ask people that may or may not remember us if they would be willing to welcome us into their homes. I can't begin to know how many different beds I've slept in. How many different families I've experienced.

Two days ago, I fell out of our van. My foot slipped out of my shoe, my knee buckled, I have no idea. I laid on the ground laughing and crying. My unit stood by nervously until my husband managed to help me get up. When our host, who was housing us very short notice cleaned my wound, I was trying not to cry. Feeling so overwhelmed by the generosity, the gentleness, the concern. It was like she was treating me like Jesus. I was truly one of the "least of them." A person with no place to go. No place to call home. No Mom available to clean my painful foot. Nothing to offer. To be given such love can be nothing less than humbling. I know I can't deserve what I've been given. I can only be faithful to do the consistent contact work to try to get the opportunities to do what I love. Sometimes I can even make secretaries and Pastors and teachers laugh, and that is great. Even when I feel like I'm not there, and no one else cares that I am there, I still have joy knowing that He knows, and He has a good plan. There are alot of friends and partners for ministry to be made!

We will be going into the South of France soon. We still don't have many programs. Please pray for open doors and housing and stamina for us!

A few weeks into our new mission

I am living a strange life. Tomorrow may be one of my "homeless" days, where I don't have a workspace, and I try to focus on sending emails and making phone calls from a crowded McDonalds where I will be distracted by cute kids. I love kids. I am that creepy person smiling stupidly at your kid. Parents generally don't mind. It's true that it's hard not to smile at someone who is smiling at you.

I don't always know where I will sleep. I have a list of people I will ask. Or I will ask my wonderful unit member to ask because she is French. Praise the Lord for sending us a French woman! My husband and I are the leaders of the team of Covenant Players for French speaking Europe.
We perform plays in French. It truly is a miracle to do this. I have performed plays in Swedish, German, and French. One role (of one sentance) in Spanish. It counts!

I am feeling strong and focused and I know it is a blessing of the prayers of many. I have lots of ideas and plans and I am excited to teach. We have made prayer a priority. My language feels simplified, and less prone to flowery prose. I feel more logical and organized than I have in a long time. (I say as I type with my laptop propped up in my lap in a room cluttered with papers!)

We have done evangelistic programs in Switzerland. We have performed in churches. We have performed for a rehabilitation clinic. My new unit member has already learned how to do effective contact work. She is already so confident. It truly feels like miracles are guiding us.

And it's only been a few weeks on the road.

I am excited to see what God will do.

Please pray for vision, for wisdom in organization, for opportunities for ministry, and for recruits for Covenant Players all over the world. Austrailia has one team. South Africa has one team. I have seen how theater can change hearts and break down walls. I know it can change the world, change it upside right for Jesus. That's the goal, anyway.

Be blessed!

I was a fire evacuee

Maybe you've heard about the wildfires ravaging California. Maybe you've volunteered with the Red Cross and seen anxious, tired, people and given them a plastic baggie with soap, a rough blanket and a cot. Maybe you've been that person, not knowing if your home was going to last the night. Maybe you've been the family of that firefighter, knowing he's exhausting because he's been working for 14 hours trying to contain this beast.

I was one of the people evacuated in Southern California. Myself and a hundred of my closest friends, (most of them, anyway!) were about to have our retreat at a campsite in Taquitz Pines. As we gathered for dinner, our first day there, we were told we would have to be evacuated. They told us a local high school was going to house us, and we didn't know how long it would be for.

Long story short, Beaumont High welcomed us. Not only that, we were able to have our 50th anniversary retreat there. We were able to perform on their beautiful stage. (with lights!) The people that organize food for students were on vacation and volunteered their time to cook us fresh food.

Not only that, the presence of GOD was all over the place. Peace, joy, and unity was a blanket around us. The volunteer workers told us that they had never experienced such a people group of people, in 20 plus years of service. They told us we were so easy to serve and we never missed an opportunity to tell them how thankful we were for their help.

It was truly humbling, to make new friends with people that were evacuated, to see how the Lord used us to bring them peace, as they didn't know what would happen next.

There are two highlights I want to share.  I got a name. So often, in my life, I have accepted the lie that I am useless. We did an exercise were we got one of those "Hello, my name is" stickers, and we were to pray and ask God what name HE had for us. I got "MIGHTY WARRIOR".

The Lord not only named me that, he gave me physical and spiritual strength to live it. I was proclaiming God's love and the reason for the peace that came with us. I shared about how as Christians we are aware of the warrior analogies, but we don't always feel "mighty" about it. I shared how the peace and joy in the atmosphere was the presence of God knocking on their hearts saying "I'm here! I love you so much!"
I opened my mouth and these things came pouring out and I had no idea what I was going to say next! I wasn't planning anything, I was just being there, ready.

I was in a High School of California, praying constantly, spending time with amazing people, and enjoying the most spectacular plays I have ever experienced.  I was so proud of my Covenant Player family, sleeping on cots in a gymnasium and not complaining. Loving and letting go of lies and picking up and clinging to truths.

I guess this is long enough, so I will end this in saying, Please join me in praying for the firefighters. Please pray for the other shelters, for the peace of the Holy Spirit to rest on them and lead people to Jesus. Please pray for the volunteer workers, for their strength and wisdom in dealing with people. Please pray for those who have lost their homes.

Also, don't forget to be thankful! Entitlement kills all semblance of thankfulness.

Be blessed.

The three simplest ways to a happier life

There's a situation in the bible that always struck me as kinda weird. Jesus came across a fig tree and checked to see if there might be any figs, because he was hungry. It wasn't even the right season for figs, and lo and behold, no figs. He curses that fig tree and later on when they pass it again, the disciples are shocked to discover that the tree is dried up by the roots.

I do not know the socio-economical ramifications or the theological debates about what that situation means,  neither am I going to talk about it. I'm sure there is a great significance, and I hope it will come to me through some awesome sermon sometime, but it's only the attention grabber right now. It got attention, and life changing things were awarded to those who would have the guts to pay attention and apply them to their lives.

Here it is, the shortest, most effective life strategy, to successfully live a real deal God-honoring, (dare I say it) happy life. Happy. Content. Fulfilled.

And here they are, the 3 ways, as outlined by Mark 11:22-25

1. Have faith in the Lord. What does that mean? For assuredly, I say to you, , whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and cast into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. 
2. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
3. And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. Buf if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.

Now for a bit of concordance fun. The word ask (I looked up) was aitew- to ask (in genitive case):--ask, beg, call for, crave, desire, require. This is the word that stands in the place of ask. The King James Version uses the word desire. Those words are a heckuva lot more evocative than merely asking. You can casually ask a person for a bite of their food, (Okay, maybe that's a bad example.) you can ask for some money from your parents. I've heard many people do this. You can ask for extra toppings on your pizza. But when you desire something, when you beg, crave, require something, you don't let it go without a fight, you are prepared to wake up at 6:00 in the morning to see it done. You are all wound up in it.

prayer, aka, sup·pli·cate

  

to pray humbly; make humble and earnest entreaty or petition.

I'm going to do the list thing again, because it's fun, and I want to make it even more simple.

1. Have faith, read- do not doubt.
2. Ask and pray
3. Forgive. 

Forgive. I saved the best for last. He didn't say, "If you feel like it."  or "If that person deserves it." or "If they were actually wrong." Guess what? The Lord of the universe doesn't care who was wrong or right. He gave a command. Forgive. Maybe we are in danger of being dried out like that fig tree if we don't follow these orders. Don't doubt. Do ask. Do pray. Humbly, even.

for·give

  verb, for·gave, for·giv·en, for·giv·ing.

verb (used with object)

1.

to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

2.

to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).

3.

to grant pardon to (a person).

4.

to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.

5.

to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

Forgive. Not too long ago, I tried it. I forgave people that hurt/disappointed/ me. I wrote rambeling messages. I am free. It doesn't hurt to see their pictures show up on my laptop picture slideshow. I set myself free and let them go with blessings.

I hope this has been a profitable time!

Be blessed!



Oh yeah, credit where it is due, since I have not learned greek myself. This is my source, also thanks to this wonderful site, that we would all be lost without, amiright?

Burnout- A poem

What about when it's way too much

bitten off more than can be chewed

Started that song at a note too high

The yoke has stripped your shoulders bare

There's only one prayer you dare

"Help, enable, strengthen, heal"

As you trip and fumble and stumble along

And He says no and He takes that wooden beam

and the freedom is disorienting 

and the world gets too big and you beg to have it back

because with it on you know who you are

and what you should do

And He says no and leads you to a gentle stream

with soft grass overlooking a green valley

Listening to the lapping water you get the thought to walk into it

The cold water makes you gasp

and He laughs and splashes and you splash Him back

and your laughter is easy and honest

And the water has healed the aches of redundancy

the scars of apathy, the strains of unreached perfection

Somehow you become afraid of going back, to normal life

to the old routine

You are shocked to see that old yoke on an alter, burning heavily

I've got a better one, He says.

This time, I'll wear it with you.

A Chance to catch up!

It's been awhile since I gave an update, and there's something wrong with that! A lot has been going on, and I'll get right into it!

Remember when I wrote about Evelyn? She is a former Covenant Player who has MS. We got to stay with her and her Mom. She recently lost her Dad back in November, who was also sick and was totally ready to go be with Jesus. She found out that a good method to deal with the loss of memory due to her sickness is learning a language, so she is working on learning Spanish! There was so much laughter and love in that home. There's no greater witness of the reality of God than to see people live and breathe in that hope, and to be able to release their loved ones in that hope.

Another great thing, I was actually able to hear my Dad preach! One of his sermons is online, at  his churches website. You can listen to it here, and I really recommend it. I'm so proud to have a Dad like him, anointed to preach and move people to think. My unit and I were blessed. We had tears in our eyes and were catching his passion as he spoke. I'm finding that one of my passions is to see people flourish in their creative skill, to use it for the Lord, whatever it is. It just gets me excited to see people in the place they are meant to be!

And another very very cool thing, is that my team stayed with Alain Auderset. He is a professional artist, he does Christian comics and is working with a team that is turning them into cartoons. You can learn more about him here.
He was so humble, and funny! There was just a steady stream of jokes and teasing and love all around. He even drew a sketch of our unit! My husband was in full Viking mode, because he's Swedish, and my face was half smile, and our leader had the perfect Tin Tin hair. His comics just preach a sermon in one picture, sometimes. And the story of Robi makes me cry every time I read it. A comic book, seriously. I want to figure out how to support this guy, so mentioning him here is something, eh?

And yesterday, we worked at a wonderful church, full of International couples and families. We did a workshop and hopefully really encouraged people that they can use their creativity through drama to reach out to their sphere of influence. It was a little taste of heaven, people from South Africa, Indonesia, India, America, Great Britian, Switzerland, I don't even remember where else! Everyone was so welcoming and in two hours we managed to get through all of the basics of theater without giving them much of a chance to sit still!

Now we are in Luxembourg, briefly. We are moving into a busy time! Lots of lines to learn and plays to rehearse and people to contact. Please pray for stamina and smooth communication and wisdom for managing the time!

God bless you, until next time!

Having a hard time

A lot of us are having a hard time. Dealing with the evil in the world, and feeling so incompetent to make the first step to deal with it. Asking “why” is insufficient. Faith feels flimsy and embarrassing sometimes.

I struggle too. The war rages within me- knowing prayer is powerful, having a line to talk directly to God. (no stand ins need apply, my omniscient Father is always there anytime, anywhere)

Also knowing that he doesn't always answer the way I want Him to, or in the way I'd like Him to.

I sure would have liked my uncle to live long enough for me to see him one last time on this earth. I sure would like to have a lot of German and French speakers come to Covenant Players. I sure would like to see people get healed and saved. It feels like a thick dark curtain is falling down all around me sometimes. It feels like the ones that call themselves Christians, myself included sometimes, are the worst people out there because they know the truth and would rather hide from it because it's painful. Because they only want to worship a God that makes good things happen. Fair weather Christians, welcome to the pounding rain that is a lot of issues that are black and white and need to be acknowledged as such. Welcome to the storm that is accepting Jesus not only as Savior, but Lord, and doing what He asks you to do, even if it's not on the top of Your all important list.

I want to share something my uncle Steve wrote, as he was dying of Pancreatic Cancer. As his body was wasting away, but his soul was growing and accelerating in joy and knowledge of the Lord.

The right time to praise the Lord-

When I am being attacked

when “darkness” descends

During pain.

That can only make sense to someone who has chosen Jesus as Lord. Who has submitted their lives to Him. It is only possible to be obedient to praise in the face of sickness, death, and attacks and pain when the Hope you are living for is more important than the evil limitations of the physical world.

When the matrix curtain folds back, and you see how frail and unstable this world is, and how God is full of love, drawing us to Him, to freedom, to abundant life.

Acts is an amazing book. Paul had a dream, a vision of a Macedonian man, pleading for help. Paul came, and then a woman who was possessed by a demon was bugging them. She was annoucing who they were and why they were there. Paul told that demon to pack his bags. The people who owned the girl were ticked off about losing their money-maker, so they arranged to have Paul and Silas beaten.

The Bible doesn't say, “They complained to the Lord, 'Why did you bring us here, anyway? I thought you had a plan here!' ” “They groaned about the pain of their wrists and feet.” “They called down curses upon the men who hurt them.” “A brave vigilante burned down the house of the captors and before they left they spit on the face of their taunter and shoved a sword into their stomach.”

No.

“But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them.” Act 16:25

They sang to God, when it didn't make sense. And the rest of the world heard them and thought they were nuts. They were probably wondering how anyone could sing in this kind of situation. They probably listened to the sound of joy and hope frantically because it was the first sounds like that they had probably heard in a long time.

Feet in stocks, bleeding and scabbing and pounding, they sang.

Before the miracle they sang.

“Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone's chains were loosed. And the keeper of the prison, waking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself. But Paul called with a loud voice, saying “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.” Then he called for a light, ran in and fell down trembeling before Paul and Silas. And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

Look, if you are reading this, you probably are a Christian. Why else would you take so much time reading about a young woman and her bible studies unless you were one, or want to be one? A real, sold out, not holding back, opposite of nominal and church chair warming servant of the Most High God, that is.

So, dear Brother or Sister in Christ, (or soon to be Brother or Sister in Christ) how well have you been at remembering lately that the enemies that exist on earth are not of flesh and blood? That the world is not going to get any better and the debate is not in establishing that there are “evil people” but an evil adversary. The keeper of the prison was in the wrong. He was also a hurting soul and he was in need of the Savior. As much as the fellow prisoners listening to the hymns. As much as Cesear, sitting on his throne, as much as anyone ever did.

As Matt Redman so beautifully put it-“When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I'm gonna say....Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name, Jesus.” 

Repost this to save a life

Posting this picture could save a life

Reposting this picture will prove how Christian you are.

Clicking here will affirm your patriotism.

Will it? Will it really?

This is my response to a “debate” that started after I posted a picture of a 12 week old baby nestled in a person's hand, showing how life does start that early. Life. It's one of the things I feel passionately about and took 2 seconds to share it.

I am for life. I am also for the life of women and girls who have had horrible things done to them, apart from bad decisions they made or alcohol helped them make. I am for the life of people who made the mistake to end a baby's life. I believe that forgiveness can come, even then. Murder is not the unforgivable sin.

The people I'm having a lot more time forgiving are the Christians who aren't helping the people that need help. The Christians who are spending more time reposting inspirational quotes than welcoming a hurt 15 year old kid into their home because they don't want “someone like that.”

I'm also quite disgusted with this need to be right and the unfair treatment of Christians toward one another because of fingers shoved firmly into ears.

Who is right and wrong doesn't make any stinking difference when it comes to a person believing their life is over, when everything can be lost, and the people that should be helping and loving are spending too much time reveling in how much better they feel because that specific sin didn't bite them in the butt when they were 15.

The boy and girl have equal responsibility. The Church has got the ultimate responsibility to live out Christs command to love one another as yourself.

Get off of your computers and your little Christian bubble and do something.

If you call yourself pro life, then find a way to get involved and practically help.

It may not help to post pictures. It may further alienate someone that doesn't know what to do, and carry more fear of persecution and hate.

What do you think?

An Unamerican Gospel Part 2

If you missed part one- here it is

4.An “I deserve this” mentality

I deserve happiness at anyone's expense. I deserve to have my dreams come true. I deserve hot showers and enough food to throw away. I deserve the latest mobile phone and nice clothes. I deserve perfect health and to be pain free. I deserve 4 week vacations and nice cars. I deserve a quiet life with a family and growing old with grand-kids in a large comfortable house.

What exactly does God owe us? What did we ever do to make the weights tip so far in our direction?

They gave our master a crown of thorns. Why do we hope for a crown of roses?

Martin Luther

5.A “not my fault”, “sucks to be you” mentality

Remember your brothers in chains as though you were tied up with them. Whatever you didn't do to the least of them, you didn't do to me. To pretend that world out there is a fairy tale place. To shut out the sound of it. To not develop any sense of caring because it would distract from the enjoyment of all those things that you have and deserve to be enjoying.

6.A victims disposition

Pride for our struggles, for our going without, for how much we've been hurt and how wrong everyone around us has been. For our sacrifices not being recognized. How misunderstanding and horrible they have been. How it's their fault that we aren't doing well, why we aren't going to continue on.

We won't move on and the poison we are drinking will eventually kill them! A distinct decision must be made to hold people accountable for what's been done, because our sense of justice holds us in this corner of victim-hood. It becomes our identity and our saftey net for why we don't do anything else.

Leave your gift at the alter. Be reconciled to your brother. If you don't forgive, neither will you be forgiven.

To continually live as the victim takes pride. It takes a choice to make your problems and what happened to be the forefront of every decision you make. It makes you more important than what the Lord wants to do and it stunts every aspect of life. Fear makes itself at home in your heart. The victim fades out of existence after having spent years barely leaving any tracks that they ever were there.

There is a common, worldly kind of Christianity in this day, which many have, and think they have enough - a cheap Christianity which offends nobody, and requires no sacrifice- which costs nothing, and is worth nothing.

J.C. Ryle

So, are you are with me, and are ready to get on with it and rock the world for Jesus?

An Unamerican Gospel- Part 1

Jesus was not American. Jesus doesn't stand for all the ideals that are central to any of our cultures, actually. We have to get out of the idea of making our God fit into the image of a self made god. We have to stop layering him into our personal ideals of what is good and necessary and right. We have to stop thinking we can make Him and we have to start letting Him make us. I'm going to go through some of the points I have come across about how Jesus crashes down the walls our culture is built around and works so hard to defend. 

1.A simplified sense of justice

We are conditioned to expect revenge. To think that justice means revenge, means the bad guy gets whats coming to him in the climax of the movie. (Who gets Humperdink?!)

Jesus didn't open his mouth to defend his innocence. 

Isaiah 53:7

He was oppressed and afflicted,

    yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,    and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,    so he did not open his mouth.

1 Peter 3:8

Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another- love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous, not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, blessing, knowing you were called to this, that you may inherit of a blessing.

2.A pharisitical disposition

Pride for our spirituality. Pride for the symbols we have to prove our exclusive brand of religion that parades how well we serve God. A seperatist, elitist mentality. A slash on a tally counting the number of ways that the filthy non-Christian world does not touch our bubble of perfection.

A carefully crafted mask put on Sunday morning to hide the stains of sin from the week before.

...but the tax collector stood a ways off, beating his chest saying, “Oh God! Have mercy on me, a sinner!” Which of these men went back justified? (Luke 18:10-14)

3`.Insistantly holding onto fabrications

“For me, God is...”

No He isn't. For you, god is. Lower case “g” god. For you, god is accepting of everything. For you, god just wants you to be happy and whatever path that makes you feel good must be that. God is real and his ways don't include doing whatever it takes to make you happy. That is not why you were created. A search for happiness is a bland diversion from true meaning and is designed so that you will never achieve it. Because true happiness is a fleeting, wispy dream that includes momentary pleasure and a constant strain to shut out the noises of all unpleasantness and reality outside the door. True joy is knowing the Lord loves you and created you for a purpose. True joy can only start once the idol taking the place of faith in your heart crashes down.

"The church for too long has followed Casper, the friendly ghost instead of seeking the fire of the Holy Spirit. We have turned limp at the thought of our own cross; we faint when we think of suffering or sacrifice. Beloved, it is time to embrace the fire of God's Presence. It is the fire that purifies our sacrifice. " -Francis Frangipane

Disillusioned Christians

dis·il·lu·sion

  [dis-i-loo-zhuhn] 

verb (used with object)

1.

to free from or deprive of illusion, belief, idealism, etc.;disenchant.

 

Chris·tian

 [kris-chuhn]

noun

7.

a person who believes in Jesus Christ; adherent of Christianity.

8.

a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ: He died like a true Christian.

(Thank you, dictionary.com)

1 John 3:18-20
My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. (emphasis added)

That verse jumped out to me after spending time thinking about "sanctifying the Lord in our hearts" (1 Peter 3:15a

So let us now look at our hearts. I'm speaking especially to you disillusioned, disappointed, cold and lonely ones, because you are on my heart. I believe reading this will be a divine appointment for someone.

The truth is, people let you down. They weren't what you thought they would be. You may have even let yourself down. You may have not held up to your own idea of holiness and special-ness that a true Christian should be.
You may have messed up big time. Like, hide your face in a hole for a few years, witness protection program candidate wannabe messed up. You are still a believer, but you don't feel worthy to call yourself a Christian, or you are too angry to want to be counted among the people you thought of as Christians.

That's not your burden to carry.


The enemy would have you stuck with the illusion of what you thought you were supposed to be, of what the Lord was supposed to be. He would drown you in bitterness and hatred at all the things that didn't turn out the way you wanted them to. He would isolate you from all sound advice and would deny you peace.

The truth is, unforgivness is a losing battle.

Hebrews 3:7-8
Therefore as the Holy Spirit says: Today, if you will hear His voice; Do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, In the day of trial in the wilderness.


 When Jesus is sanctified in our hearts, he is manifested in our lives. This verse in James is practically showing how our hearts can be rendered and open and humble in front of His throne.
The God you know is real, who died on the cross to wipe away the stain of all the sin's that ever were committed and ever will be committed is here, now, knocking at the door of your heart.

Assure your heart before the Lord, and let him teach you how to love again. In deed and in truth.

And know you are loved.

The Pleasure of Impossibility

What a relief to say, "This is utterly impossible."

What a wonderful thing to say, and know, and be full of the knowledge that "I can't do this."

I love my job. I love doing impossible things. I love finding out all the things that I can actually do. I love talking to people and surprising them that anyone would be willing to do what I do.

I love believing that through the Lord, impossible things happen. I love being able to read and journal during French sermons because it's a great time to be able to do that!

I came across a lot of amazing verses the other day, and I want to highlight one half of one of them. 1 Peter 3:15a
..Sanctify the Lord in your heart.

I wrote into my diary- "What does that mean?"

I looked it up and this is just a snippet of a very long thing written by John Gill.

"..the Lord God is sanctified by his people externally, when they regard his commands, attend his ordinances, and call upon his name, and praise him; but here an internal sanctification of him, a sanctification of him in their hearts, is intended..."

Context is always important. I definitely don't want to take anything out of context, because finding someone who isolates verses can be quite dangerous. This is from a letter. And, pretty much 87% (made up statitstic- See, I am being honest!) of the new testament is telling people to Stand in the truth of what they have learned. To acknowledge the shortness of the our time here on this planet and to live with intensity and purpose in the now. Maybe it's higher than 87 %. The other chunks in the pie would be greetings, and uh....other stuff. It is the passion of Paul and Peter and John's (to name a few) heart's to impart knowledge, to remind us to love one another, just as Christ loved us. (I use the present tense because these men obviously still live, as they are a part of the great cloud of witnesses.)

To sanctify the Lord in our hearts seems to be a very simple, and at the same time, complex way to remember that. The eyes of our hearts, the thoughts no one see's, the deep part of us, connected to the forever and perfection that God is, well, hallowing and revering that. Counting our actions and attitudes as having weight and importance that lasts further than we do because we are representing His light and truth in our sphere's of influence. I intend to talk more about this theme, because it keeps jumping out at me, through the pages of my Bible. 

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Look at the context of what you consider "impossible" in your life. Look at your faith. And please read those letters. Read them backwards and forwards so no one can ever quote something out of context. to you. Don't take my word for anything. Don't take anyone's word. Find it for yourself. Be built up and grow in that word so you can believe the Lord for the impossible. 

Be blessed in a mighty way, my brothers and sisters around the world!

Covenant Players, the school experiance

I have run into many classrooms lately, shouting "Good Morning!" or "Good afternoon!" I have startled some, I have made some laugh, I have posed questions to make them think, and I have affirmed them about their thoughts, opinions, and English capacities.

I have done a lot of shushing. I have feet that hurt because my only professional shoes have heels. I'm waiting for the minor miracle of some comfortable shoes to come along.

I am stretched and sore, but I am satisfied. I really do love my job. One thing that is hard is that we do have to be careful about what we say, in schools. When students ask me, "Why do you do this?", I would so love to say that it is because I know there is more to life than money and things. Because the Lord called me, and sent me to you to tell you that you are important, you matter. Because I love to hear you laugh and to encourage you. Because the chocolate here in Europe is so much better than the chocolate in America. I usually end up saying a mixture of the "You are important and ......mmmmm chocolate."

There is a lot of energy that is used up in a school. I can connect with them because I'm so weird and energetic and happy that they just relax and have fun. My team is amazed about the way I can get people in their late teens to do the silliest things.

We have a backstage, which can be anything. Upturned tables, plants, janitor closets, any thing. We throw sweaters on and off, we blu-tac our plays on the wall and we place our costume changes in order. We jump or slump or yawn or flounce onto the stage and and another person pops out after the word "curtain" is called to go and discuss it.

It feels good to "be good" at something. It's nice to be in Luxembourg and to be able to speak German when it's easier for the next person than English.

It's amazing to see that the Lord has put so much into me and my unit. It's a good life.

Covenant Players, My Ministry

There has been a lot of discussion going on, about my ministry, which is a big part of who I am, who I have grown into. Some negative, some positive, some whiny, some divisive and rude, some pointless, and some pressing toward a point.

I don't want to talk about that, I want to share a bit more about what I actually do! For anyone that knows me and isn't quite sure. I want to share what it's like, and I want to ask you to pray for the future of it, for the people, for the opportunities, for the presence of God to fill every crack and corner.

I am a Covenant Player. I travel full time. I don't have a bedroom or a pillow. I don't have a guaranteed salary. I have never gone without because the Lord has always provided what I needed, and quite often, what I didn't even need, I just wanted!

I call (phone for the Brits that may read this!) a lot of people. I try to make contacts to new places, to share the ministry. When I call schools, I share how we want to encourage their English, and help them communicate about tough, relevant issues while doing it. Dealing with anger, respect, peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, making wise decisions for the future. When we aren't allowed to speak about the Lord, we respect that. When I phone churches, I tell them about how we want to help wake up the church, to use their gifts, to serve. I tell them about how we can do evangelistic outreaches such as dinner theaters to invite non Christian friends to attend.

I want to find out a way to contact prisons to share plays about forgiveness and peace and new life. I want to perform for homeless people to encourage them about hope and starting over.

Every few nights I travel with my team to the next place. I learn lines, in French and English. They are recorded on my phone and I listen and listen and repeat and repeat. We do devotions every day. We meet people and rehearse in churches and living rooms. We go to performances. We talk to people afterwards.

Covenant Players is about to turn 50 years old! It's an amazing number, and it's humbling to be a part of it, to think of all those people that paved the way. Pam Cowser, who went into Pastor's offices with a French/English dictionary to make the first contacts. The people who painstakingly translated plays. The people who went following a brand new vision and led to my coming, a scared to death 19 year old 7 and a half years ago.

I have seen many people come and go. Out of the 32 people that I have spent significant chunks of time with on the road, 13 are still in. I hold them all up with the highest respect- I mean, they lived and traveled with me! Especially those 10 in the States- man.

I have seen all kinds of people. Those who led with dilligance and cheerfulness, those who tenderly cared, those who didn't want to get too close, those that hid behind a veneer of professionalism and distance, those that hid full stop, those that were used to be taken for granted, those with low expectations, those depressed, those with ridiculously high expectations, those that worked too hard, and those that tried to find a balance. And, for two years, my husband and I shared leadership. Then I wanted to go back in time to really apologize to my old unit leaders!

I do have a point, not just in exposition. I heard a sermon that changed my thinking. I like life more with this simple thought.
On the cross, Jesus finished it. It is done. There is nothing we can do to add what he did already. He gives us the opportunity to have gifts and to use them for his pleasure. I don't have to keep the world going. Whatever I do, he will be there, and it's good. All of it.

So my ministry is going on a journey, literally and spiritually. I believe healing and refreshment is ahead, for those that left well, or badly, who carry scorn or disappointment, or confusion. It is finished. No human can ruin what God has made. One day he will wipe every tear, and we will be able to receive His forgiveness eyeball to eyeball. One day we will be able to forgive everyone that hurt us, seeing how small our forgiveness is in comparison to what we have already received.

Covenant Players is a vehicle, and serving has changed me and grown me. And it's still going because God is calling new people with passion and vision!

So fellow CPer's, or former ones, or family member, or random stranger on the internet- Just give up the burden, whatever it is- be it, not being good enough, or not getting enough results, or whatever. Enjoy life, enjoy what you do because it's a gift. Just be free and go on holiday with God in your heart because what we do is not what counts. It's what He did, and does.

Bless you!

P.S. If you want to read more about our 50 year celebration and how to be a part of it, see this great article written by a powerful lady I admire greatly.

The Strangest Comment Ever

1. About a week ago, a total stranger left a strange comment on my post. Because comments are rare, and because I liked my answer, I thought I would edit the comment for those I don't want to subject to crude language (which is  uneducated and unimaginative filler to punctuate strong feelings and/or ignorance) I'm not saying that to belittle the person. It's an observation seen in many others. 

   
   

   So here it is, the comment that caused me to scratch my head until it bled. Not literally. 

   
   

   The weak people in this world can't accept the world for how it is. Therefore they make up a better world. A world in which there is no injustice. A world in which there is order. The world they make up is afterlife. In the afterlife the ones who didn't have any joy in there lives, the ones who abode to "the lords" laws of chastity. Those people will be rewarded. Everything they couldn't be in their lives and therefore hate, will be punished in the afterlife. Everything from a man having sex with another man to mocking god, to abusing other people for their own good will be punished. These weak people are just blind for their own foolishness. They just can't see that the world doesn't work the way they wan't it to work. 

   
   

   So let me get this straight, if you don't do what you wanted to do, you get the afterlife. Hell was invented by people who want to see others get punished? Not quite.

   Christians know that is takes weakness to trust. It takes humility and trust, to look at a Father God and trust that He will take care of us. It takes strength in hope, in resilience  in not giving up, even when things don't look or feel fair. But Hell was not invented by us, nope. Hell is the Enemy punishment, waiting for Him with open arms. Hell is the place that Jesus saved us from with his sacrifice. To trust that His cross will bridge the gap between man's failures and the Lord's Power to lead us into heaven, that is what our faith is in. 

   
   Therefore they take a drug, that drug gives them confidence to go on living the life they are living. This drug makes them believe that being the weak one, the one who doesn't stand up for himself but turns the other cheek, is the right thing to do. This drug is religion, invented by poor slaves and bums like Jesus and Mohammed, to make their lives more bearable in absence of heroin. 
   
   The real drug is our sinful nature, our flesh, trying to separate us from the love of God. He died for us, and the enemy just wants us to slide by, losing ourselves in passing pleasures so we walk straight down into hell without even noticing when the road curved.  Turning the other cheek is the right thing. It's not weak to walk away. Jesus didn't defend himself as he was being delivered to die. He washed his disciples feet. He was a servant and his example showed us that we are not to be served, but we are to serve. We show His love by loving those that don't deserve it. Jesus didn't have a place to sleep. But he wasn't a bum. He trusted in His Father to supply His needs, and he is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, sitting on a throne in heaven right now.
   
   There were a lot of bums in those days and so religion spread throughout the world, doing all the opposite things it stood for and making the slaves masters. If religion was true to itself, it would of never tried to get the message across to other people by using violence. It would never have conquered land or tortured people who wouldn't agree with them. But religion is an invention of human beings and therefore it works like human beings. When the religious people felt they could grasp the power because of their huge numbers they seized power and forgot all about the values they used to speak of. 
   
   There is a point I have to agree with you on- religion can be a terrible thing. It can take the focus off of what is important. It can be a bunch of people wearing fancy clothes arguing about who fasts more, it can be a pharisee thanking the Lord that he is not like that sinner over there. It can be too many discussions and not enough action. It can be gossip thinly veiled by prayer requests. It can be a bunch of people wearing masks, not sharing their real problems because they need to be seen as all together. Jesus came to save the sick, those in need of a doctor. Violence is obviously not the answer. Power corrupts many. Religiosity, self righteousness and so many of us need to be shaken up now and then to go back to the word of God and look at our hearts and examine just how good we feel about ourselves.
   
   So people talking about how we have to abide to god and how about christianity is all good and all the rest is evil "…filler filler, junk, not worth reading...."( basically I'll do bad stuff to you.)  Not because I hate religious people, no, I'll do it just for the sake of getting you mad. 

   
   

   There's a lot of anger here, and I'm not sure what it has to do with my blog- especially this post. I think its pretty strange to take so much time to spread hate. I don't hate you, and I don't hate people that disagree with me. I'm not about condemning people. I don't appreciate being subscribed to that brand of people, though I know it is the common thought. Not all Christians hate, but we sure get a lot directed at us. I pray that you will come to know that Jesus loves you and died for you to have peace and freedom, not as a drug to be injected, but as deliverance from all that anger and hate spewing out. I ain't even mad, though. Confused, but I don't make that old mistake of holding non-Christians up to the standard that Christians should be living in, that is, of agape love. Loving those that are hard to love without expecting anything in return.

   
   P.S. I'm actually god and I read your message about how your heart is longing to share and all that. Well I gave you a  "filler filler, junk, not worth reading."
2. No. No, you aren't. You are a person. I will continue to share my heart for Him and for whoever reads this. It's aimed for Christians,  but I do pray that some that don't know the Lord will find this, and will get curious about the Bible, about Him, about His promises. I pray that I can be a blessing. Amen.
   
   
   

   
   

Sitting on the Promises

Here's something a little different- you've been warned!

Sitting on the Promises
Sitting on the promises of Christ my King
Now and then I'll try and let His praises ring
Through gritted teeth I will mumble and sing
Sitting on the promises of God

Chorus
Sitting, sitting, sitting on the promises of Christ my Savior
Sitting, sitting, I'm sitting on the promises of God

Sitting on the promises that might once fail
Fighting howling storms of doubt to no avail
With the book upon my shelf I wither and wail
Sitting on the promises of God

Chorus

Sitting on the promises of Christ the Lord
bound to death eternally by sin's strong cord
My fears will continue to have the final word
Sitting on the promises of God

Chorus

Sitting on the promises I always fall
Listening intentionally to the lies that maul
I wish I could eventually stand free and tall
But I'm sitting on the promises of God

Chorus

A Tribute to Unwanted Presents -A short writing prompt

Now I'm going to shake things up and share one of my writing prompts, (which was a Christmas present from my wonderful husband, an envelope with carefully cut out ideas for creative writing.)

Waiting in Line 

We were chosen with smiles and winks, hushed voices and chuckles. We were bought with credit cards and cash and long overtime hours. We were wrapped carefully and stacked in closets  and sheds and guest rooms, behind old coats that scratch and don't fit anyone. We are dolls and trucks and gameboys and clothes and hair bows and bubble baths and clothes and bikes and movies and games.

The man held us carefully and removed the tape bit by bit. Nothing could make him go faster. His eyes filled with tears picturing the floor strewn with paper and bows. He got up quickly to get a garbadge bag to make the bright red and gold go away faster. He unwrapped the others quicker and put all of us in a few plastic bags. The drive was short. His hands were numb and cold. Waiting in line to join to the others, he held us with tenderness and revulsion. He wanted us to go away, he wanted Christmas and jobs and money and stores and snow and commercials to go away, and he wanted his kids back.



Let's not forget to pray for the families of those devastated by the recent shootings. Just because news gets old fast, doesn't mean grief does. Lord, hold their hands and hold them tight. You are the only hope this world has, Jesus.