What I've learned about myself-
1. I am currently finding more grey
hairs. (Thanks premature graying genes.) I think I am up to about 3
now.
2.I'm not as vain as I used to be,
especially about the length of my hair and how pretty that makes me
feel. I found this out after feeling pretty emotionless after getting
my hair cut short the other day.
3. I would rather not do things at all
sometimes than do them half as well as I think I could.
I, Mrs. “Good-enough-mantra-kid-since-the-concept-of-school,-grades-and-passing-and-failing” Katie, do
have perfectionistic tendancies. Because of that, I have let multiple
important relationships fall, have avoided creativity, and
have neglected this blog. I haven't felt so inspired, not with my
stories, not with to-do lists, not with all that much. It's a time of
mission, I suppose. In my world, the world of 2 missions a year, this
is the Exodus 2012 mid mission hump. (Soon it will be Christmas,
though it sure doesn't feel like that, because it has been so
wonderfully warm. France is wonderful, I tell you what. We went
swimming a few weeks ago. In the ocean. The ocean that is outside.)
4.I am afraid to get inspired and
passionate about things sometimes, because it can make me feel like
I'm not even a drop in the bucket. I got emotional and angry and
bothered about politics a few weeks ago. I'm not even going to turn
this into a political blog, because then it's just a “my side and
your side” thing, and I think Christians should go for the
solidarity of Jesus, his absolute love and forgiveness for all of us,
Republicans and Democrats and Green and Tea Party and Brony and
Nerdfighter alike. I don't know how to find the line between opinion
and emotion, and I don't want to alienate people because of either of
them. It's hard.
5.If I don't understand something, I
avoid it with a ten foot pole. I didn't just learn that. I mean,
that's how I was in school, from the point where things didn't come
naturally. Somewhere around the beginning of third grade. Around the
time I threw that hammer at Britta. (Sorry Britta.) (And all my
former Unit Leaders that had to deal with me....)
6.I don't want to be guilty of hiding
behind a Bible. I was recently talking to a host who was talking
about how Jesus didn't condemn the woman at the well, who was caught
in adultry. He didn't point out how bad she was and make sure
everyone else knew that he was against that kind of behavior. He
loved her and said, “Don't go back. Don't do it anymore. Be
forgiven.” I don't want to read the bible looking for what God
hates, but I want to discover how to love the way he does. I know
that I need grace as much as the people who use children as human
shields. It's a human perspective to think that the “good family
man” is a lot closer to the Lord than the “person putting razor
blades and heroin in kids halloween candy.” The smallest sin
separates us from God. Jesus brings us close, because he chose to
pay the price of our sin's against him. This may seem like a basic
thing, but especially at times like this, coming into an intense
election, and feeling all the things that separate us, we have to
stick to what unites us. We had a wonderful time of ministry at an
English speaking church last Sunday, and there was an especially
moving responsive reading. The Pastor wrote it with a lot of passion,
I could feel that. I want to share a bit of it.
“Gracious God, we thank you for
being here amongst us this morning and we come to you with different
needs.”
Some of us here need to say “Help
me” And some of us need to say “Save me” and some of us need to
say “Hold me” And some of us need to say “Forgive me” So we
will wait together, forgive one another as you forgave us, and we
will praise you together. Amen.
Blessed are you
Lord for you hear our prayers and our hearts dance for joy as we
worship you. Amen.
I especially love
that part about needing to say, “Hold me” to the Lord.
It was an
incredibly encouraging time, to talk to him and his wife, to see how
the Lord has provided for him, and to see how we were brought
together to do ministry in apart of France where there haven't been a
lot of doors open in along time! I could write a whole blog about
that, but I will save it for another time. I do have more to say,
wow! That's cool!
Be blessed,
friends. I hope these ramblings have been worth the time.
Katie
