Friday, December 21, 2012

The Living Dead


This is a blind world, full of sickness. Full of beings that want to devour everything we have, and everything we are. Their appetite cannot be appeased. There is no pity and there is no safe place. We can't even trust yourself because we were born sick. We were born with the very ingredients, the very symptoms that will cause us to die, and that will take down people with us, as we fall, as we submit to the natural pattern in our nature.

 The sickness started with the first person and the lights have been fading ever since. That light hurts too bad, for our poor, shallow ability to see it. It's too deep and real. There are too many noises and echos and over stimulation all around to be able to tell that anyone wanted to help. Who can discern what a helpful voice is when all there is is screaming and running all the time?

For when we were still without strength, in due time, Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die. But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6

Suddenly there's a remedy, and we didn't ask for it. There's this innocent son. He really didn't do anything. He was his Father's only son. We called the Father the Eye-Opener. He saw the problem, and by, what looked like a freak accident, saw that his son's blood could save us. Our minds could be whole. Our bodies could be whole. We could get out of this crushing darkness. We could see the sun, we could feel air. We could be free. His blood was the antidote. There were so many of us, that he gave it all. He gave every bit of blood that he had. He died. For us... That son did it, he volunteered, because he said that it would please His Father. It must have broken his heart. I can't believe anyone would do that. 

For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His son, much more, having been reconciled we shall be saved by His life.” Romans 5:10

The light entered us- and I could feel my body glowing with strength and clear thoughts, I could feel my eyes widen and I could stand to look at the light. And I could see the love and blessing behind it. I saw the Son for the first time in my life, and it was beautiful!

How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” Romans 6:2

For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.

For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that he died, He died once for all, but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Romans 6:5-10

We are dead to the old sickness of sins, and brilliantly alive and in purpose and joy in Him. We sometimes hear the calls of those we love, and they hate us. They groan and gnash their teeth at us- they hate the light that reflects from our eyes. They accuse us of hate and judgment. They even think they have reason to pity us because they think we are deluded. We sometimes slip and close our eyes and plug our ears and hide and act like our freedom never came. We sometimes spend more time arguing what's insignificant and forgetting what we have been saved from.

Likewise, you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 6:5-11)

I remember this good feeling. I remember singing, being creative. Like a new door was opened, that I didn't know existed. That was a long time ago. I asked for something from the Eye-Opener, and he didn't give it to me. To show him how angry I was, I shut my eyes. I could feel disappointment, and it gave me a thrill. I kept them shut, and smiled at the darkness. It felt so good to make him hurt the way he hurt me. I really wanted that thing. I can't remember what it is right now, actually. I went a week with them closed. I heard him call my name, after I walked into a door. That just made me more angry. It was his fault that I closed my eyes, after all. He could have protected me from that pain. I just kept them like that. I went long enough blind to survive, it's not like I need to see. I'm still thankful for everything He's done. I thank him now and then. Once a year, I light a candle for that Son. What a nice guy. It's his Dad that I don't like. 

Friday, December 14, 2012

A Dark World and Our Call in it.

A terrible thing happened today. Adults and children were killed, at a school. Families were separated, and who knows how many of them were attacked, and are now lost without real hope of a reunion?
There seem to be different camps. The people who say, "Why?", the people who say, "Gun control, already!", and the people who say, "Jesus!"

The why is as clear as evil can be. This world is a dark horrible place. The enemy has a strong hold on many people's minds, and he is getting nervous. He knows his time is almost up, and he's got a bit of power to reap his seeds of disorder and suffering and chaos.(But don't take him lightly people. Put on the armor, and be alert. Don't get obsessed, but don't be naive.)  I say a bit of power because OUR GOD is limitless. And he can bring healing, and something new and beautiful out of anything.

There is no point in putting our hope anywhere else, especially not in "the world getting better" anytime soon.
There aren't any laws that can make us any safer. There aren't any precautions that can save us.
If this helps us to remember even better that this world is not our home, then that is one good thing. If this increases our sense of urgency to tell people that Jesus loves them, and that there is a real deep hope that we can hold onto in the face of all evil and danger and fear and loss, then that is good. We are displaying his power in our lives by being faithful.

A few years ago, I was able to look at the old records of Covenant Players work in Colorado, and I found the record for Columbine High School. We didn't perform there. (as far as I can recall) And I was wishing, wishing we could have performed one of our plays about bullying, and looking at people for who they are, and what they might be going through. I wish we could have done one of our exercises about dealing with conflict and learning how to deal with emotions when you are so alone and overwhelmed by what you can't control, about being a friend to a person that no one else likes. I wished we could have been apart of healing and inspiration, of a simple act of kindness that could have changed things.

I recently had a difficult phone call. A pastor did not believe in my ministry because we go to many different churches. He didn't want to align himself with us for that reason. I was praying for wisdom the whole time, and I wanted to understand that point of view. He thought we watered down the gospel saying what people wanted to hear. It was really heart breaking to be judged, for one thing, but to hear someone be so against the unity of our brothers and sisters, that's a whole other can of beans. That was really a blow. I just really want to tell a LOT of churches- GET OVER IT. I speak in tongues, you don't. We can still serve the homeless. I perfer to sing songs where I can clap and sway, but I've learned to hold myself still when I go to the quieter churches so I don't draw attention to myself, because it's not what I want that counts, it's the worship of God that counts.

Now is the time for unity. For the church to love each other, each denomination, and to see what we can do together. Just because the world is not getting any better doesn't mean I'm resigned to that. Oh no, quite the opposite. For now, the Lord has called me here, to this ministry (where we are bold in the gospel, thankyouverymuch) where we plant seeds for the Holy Spirit in each place we go to, trusting in the Lord, and we walk each day in his hands, asking, "Where, Lord?"

A final reminder, if it wasn't already clear enough- the gunners are not the bad guys. Evil operated through them. But hold onto this-


For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

If we lose sight of that, if we profess to be Christians and ignore what Jesus said about unity and being the body of Christ, then we need to get right. We need to confess our hearts and be willing to let Him in and do something new. We need to be willing to be cleaned out and to not let our ideals and judgments and unforgiveness embitter us and everything we do. It will halt us. I have this picture of a person walking with baggage and going so slowly, hurting with every step. We aren't meant to be like that. 

Let's just get out there and look for ways to love people. That, simply put, is one of the main reasons we were put here. 

God bless you, my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Saturday, December 1, 2012

I sure hope I didn't make a mistake

Catchy title?
As thoughts for this blog were floating around my head, I realized I may have made a huge mistake, the kind of mistake that turns people away from looking into Christianity, and makes them miss the God of love and peace because of me. Because of my stupid humanity, my stupid flesh trying to come across as all knowing and without any problems. With all the answers and no doubts, unaffected by hard questions and hard situations in life.

I know I have "preached" out of certain passions, out of a deep desire to choose the Lord and truth over more convenient acceptance of the lies of this world. I have shared out of my convictions and my passions, my experience and emotions. And I plan to keep doing that, because I'm not going to neglect the gift that God has given me.

But I need to be clear that I don't have all the answers. I don't read the bible with pure, unadulterated understanding. I read it everyday and more often than not, I go, "Huh?" and then I move on, hoping that the next thing will make sense.
I struggle against bitterness, disappointment, judgement, anger, and the list goes on. I struggle with it. I acknowledge it. I get bothered by what I read in the bible sometimes. I struggle to understand the "why's" of the way God is and how He chooses to work.

But I think it needs to be said- it's okay to struggle. If we aren't- we aren't close enough to be bothered. If someone doesn't let us down, we didn't have enough hope in them. If something doesn't bother us in the word of God, we aren't letting it in deep enough. Because dang it, it's not supposed to be easy. Trusting God, who is so huge and complicated. Reading about the horrific history that Jesus's lineage came out of.
I could be wrong about this, but it seems to me that what some call faith is really just a willful ignorance of things that aren't being looked into properly, wrestled with and acknowledged properly.Things hurt. People hurt. Truth hurts. Love really hurts. God's love hurts because it expects so much out of us.

There's a lie dominating that if something doesn't feel good, it must be bad. That only what feels good must be right. This is an opposite black and white piece of propaganda crap.
Read Galatians. It's an itty bitty book, just 6 chapters. (It's right there after 2 Corinthians and before Ephesians.)
This is a book that talks about being crucified with Christ. ...the life which i now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God. (Ch. 1 vs. 20)

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions  heresies, envy, murder, drunkenness, revelries, and the like, of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in times past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering  kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let is not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Ch. 5 vs's 22-26, emphasis mine)

Is this coherent at all? I want to say that it's hard, but it's worth it. God is love. Real love, and He changes us for the better, into complete, happy fulfilled people. It takes time, and it takes constant wrestling. But anyone that's been in a healthy relationship knows that it's like that. Marriage is not easy. I never knew how much capacity I had for selfishness and inflicting pain until I got married. Oh Lord, bless my husband.

 There is a great quote from Charles M. Tanner from the play ANYBODY KNOW THE WAY? and it goes like this, "It is not necessary that you understand. If you understand and trust, that is wisdom. If you do not understand and trust, that is faith."

I hope I have not pushed anyone away with my desire to show the Lord, and to encourage with some answers and wisdom that I have accumulated and want to share. I don't know it all, but I know the one who does. He loves you so much. He wants to hold your hand and give you strength, by giving you joy, even though it seems like there isn't any reason to have joy. He wants to show you real love, because nothing that a human can give will fill you like His can. He knows you more intimately than any person could, because he created you and knows your every thought, word, and motivation. And He still loves you, even so.