The Living Dead

This is a blind world, full of sickness. Full of beings that want to devour everything we have, and everything we are. Their appetite cannot be appeased. There is no pity and there is no safe place. We can't even trust yourself because we were born sick. We were born with the very ingredients, the very symptoms that will cause us to die, and that will take down people with us, as we fall, as we submit to the natural pattern in our nature.

 The sickness started with the first person and the lights have been fading ever since. That light hurts too bad, for our poor, shallow ability to see it. It's too deep and real. There are too many noises and echos and over stimulation all around to be able to tell that anyone wanted to help. Who can discern what a helpful voice is when all there is is screaming and running all the time?

“For when we were still without strength, in due time, Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die. But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6

Suddenly there's a remedy, and we didn't ask for it. There's this innocent son. He really didn't do anything. He was his Father's only son. We called the Father the Eye-Opener. He saw the problem, and by, what looked like a freak accident, saw that his son's blood could save us. Our minds could be whole. Our bodies could be whole. We could get out of this crushing darkness. We could see the sun, we could feel air. We could be free. His blood was the antidote. There were so many of us, that he gave it all. He gave every bit of blood that he had. He died. For us... That son did it, he volunteered, because he said that it would please His Father. It must have broken his heart. I can't believe anyone would do that. 

“For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His son, much more, having been reconciled we shall be saved by His life.” Romans 5:10

The light entered us- and I could feel my body glowing with strength and clear thoughts, I could feel my eyes widen and I could stand to look at the light. And I could see the love and blessing behind it. I saw the Son for the first time in my life, and it was beautiful!

“How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” Romans 6:2

“For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.

For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death that he died, He died once for all, but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Romans 6:5-10

We are dead to the old sickness of sins, and brilliantly alive and in purpose and joy in Him. We sometimes hear the calls of those we love, and they hate us. They groan and gnash their teeth at us- they hate the light that reflects from our eyes. They accuse us of hate and judgment. They even think they have reason to pity us because they think we are deluded. We sometimes slip and close our eyes and plug our ears and hide and act like our freedom never came. We sometimes spend more time arguing what's insignificant and forgetting what we have been saved from.

Likewise, you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Romans 6:5-11)

I remember this good feeling. I remember singing, being creative. Like a new door was opened, that I didn't know existed. That was a long time ago. I asked for something from the Eye-Opener, and he didn't give it to me. To show him how angry I was, I shut my eyes. I could feel disappointment, and it gave me a thrill. I kept them shut, and smiled at the darkness. It felt so good to make him hurt the way he hurt me. I really wanted that thing. I can't remember what it is right now, actually. I went a week with them closed. I heard him call my name, after I walked into a door. That just made me more angry. It was his fault that I closed my eyes, after all. He could have protected me from that pain. I just kept them like that. I went long enough blind to survive, it's not like I need to see. I'm still thankful for everything He's done. I thank him now and then. Once a year, I light a candle for that Son. What a nice guy. It's his Dad that I don't like. 

A Dark World and Our Call in it.

A terrible thing happened today. Adults and children were killed, at a school. Families were separated, and who knows how many of them were attacked, and are now lost without real hope of a reunion?
There seem to be different camps. The people who say, "Why?", the people who say, "Gun control, already!", and the people who say, "Jesus!"

The why is as clear as evil can be. This world is a dark horrible place. The enemy has a strong hold on many people's minds, and he is getting nervous. He knows his time is almost up, and he's got a bit of power to reap his seeds of disorder and suffering and chaos.(But don't take him lightly people. Put on the armor, and be alert. Don't get obsessed, but don't be naive.)  I say a bit of power because OUR GOD is limitless. And he can bring healing, and something new and beautiful out of anything.

There is no point in putting our hope anywhere else, especially not in "the world getting better" anytime soon.
There aren't any laws that can make us any safer. There aren't any precautions that can save us.
If this helps us to remember even better that this world is not our home, then that is one good thing. If this increases our sense of urgency to tell people that Jesus loves them, and that there is a real deep hope that we can hold onto in the face of all evil and danger and fear and loss, then that is good. We are displaying his power in our lives by being faithful.

A few years ago, I was able to look at the old records of Covenant Players work in Colorado, and I found the record for Columbine High School. We didn't perform there. (as far as I can recall) And I was wishing, wishing we could have performed one of our plays about bullying, and looking at people for who they are, and what they might be going through. I wish we could have done one of our exercises about dealing with conflict and learning how to deal with emotions when you are so alone and overwhelmed by what you can't control, about being a friend to a person that no one else likes. I wished we could have been apart of healing and inspiration, of a simple act of kindness that could have changed things.

I recently had a difficult phone call. A pastor did not believe in my ministry because we go to many different churches. He didn't want to align himself with us for that reason. I was praying for wisdom the whole time, and I wanted to understand that point of view. He thought we watered down the gospel saying what people wanted to hear. It was really heart breaking to be judged, for one thing, but to hear someone be so against the unity of our brothers and sisters, that's a whole other can of beans. That was really a blow. I just really want to tell a LOT of churches- GET OVER IT. I speak in tongues, you don't. We can still serve the homeless. I perfer to sing songs where I can clap and sway, but I've learned to hold myself still when I go to the quieter churches so I don't draw attention to myself, because it's not what I want that counts, it's the worship of God that counts.

Now is the time for unity. For the church to love each other, each denomination, and to see what we can do together. Just because the world is not getting any better doesn't mean I'm resigned to that. Oh no, quite the opposite. For now, the Lord has called me here, to this ministry (where we are bold in the gospel, thankyouverymuch) where we plant seeds for the Holy Spirit in each place we go to, trusting in the Lord, and we walk each day in his hands, asking, "Where, Lord?"

A final reminder, if it wasn't already clear enough- the gunners are not the bad guys. Evil operated through them. But hold onto this-

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

If we lose sight of that, if we profess to be Christians and ignore what Jesus said about unity and being the body of Christ, then we need to get right. We need to confess our hearts and be willing to let Him in and do something new. We need to be willing to be cleaned out and to not let our ideals and judgments and unforgiveness embitter us and everything we do. It will halt us. I have this picture of a person walking with baggage and going so slowly, hurting with every step. We aren't meant to be like that. 

Let's just get out there and look for ways to love people. That, simply put, is one of the main reasons we were put here. 

God bless you, my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

I sure hope I didn't make a mistake

Catchy title?
As thoughts for this blog were floating around my head, I realized I may have made a huge mistake, the kind of mistake that turns people away from looking into Christianity, and makes them miss the God of love and peace because of me. Because of my stupid humanity, my stupid flesh trying to come across as all knowing and without any problems. With all the answers and no doubts, unaffected by hard questions and hard situations in life.

I know I have "preached" out of certain passions, out of a deep desire to choose the Lord and truth over more convenient acceptance of the lies of this world. I have shared out of my convictions and my passions, my experience and emotions. And I plan to keep doing that, because I'm not going to neglect the gift that God has given me.

But I need to be clear that I don't have all the answers. I don't read the bible with pure, unadulterated understanding. I read it everyday and more often than not, I go, "Huh?" and then I move on, hoping that the next thing will make sense.
I struggle against bitterness, disappointment, judgement, anger, and the list goes on. I struggle with it. I acknowledge it. I get bothered by what I read in the bible sometimes. I struggle to understand the "why's" of the way God is and how He chooses to work.

But I think it needs to be said- it's okay to struggle. If we aren't- we aren't close enough to be bothered. If someone doesn't let us down, we didn't have enough hope in them. If something doesn't bother us in the word of God, we aren't letting it in deep enough. Because dang it, it's not supposed to be easy. Trusting God, who is so huge and complicated. Reading about the horrific history that Jesus's lineage came out of.
I could be wrong about this, but it seems to me that what some call faith is really just a willful ignorance of things that aren't being looked into properly, wrestled with and acknowledged properly.Things hurt. People hurt. Truth hurts. Love really hurts. God's love hurts because it expects so much out of us.

There's a lie dominating that if something doesn't feel good, it must be bad. That only what feels good must be right. This is an opposite black and white piece of propaganda crap.
Read Galatians. It's an itty bitty book, just 6 chapters. (It's right there after 2 Corinthians and before Ephesians.)
This is a book that talks about being crucified with Christ. ...the life which i now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God. (Ch. 1 vs. 20)

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions  heresies, envy, murder, drunkenness, revelries, and the like, of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in times past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering  kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let is not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Ch. 5 vs's 22-26, emphasis mine)

Is this coherent at all? I want to say that it's hard, but it's worth it. God is love. Real love, and He changes us for the better, into complete, happy fulfilled people. It takes time, and it takes constant wrestling. But anyone that's been in a healthy relationship knows that it's like that. Marriage is not easy. I never knew how much capacity I had for selfishness and inflicting pain until I got married. Oh Lord, bless my husband.

 There is a great quote from Charles M. Tanner from the play ANYBODY KNOW THE WAY? and it goes like this, "It is not necessary that you understand. If you understand and trust, that is wisdom. If you do not understand and trust, that is faith."

I hope I have not pushed anyone away with my desire to show the Lord, and to encourage with some answers and wisdom that I have accumulated and want to share. I don't know it all, but I know the one who does. He loves you so much. He wants to hold your hand and give you strength, by giving you joy, even though it seems like there isn't any reason to have joy. He wants to show you real love, because nothing that a human can give will fill you like His can. He knows you more intimately than any person could, because he created you and knows your every thought, word, and motivation. And He still loves you, even so.

Now I know what fear is.

Last Sunday I read 1 Corinthians Chapter 15. (I love Sundays, especially when the service in a language I don't understand. I can read my bible!) This chapter talks about the promise of the resurrection. A new body, a gift of the Lord, of heaven. Vs. 42...(The body is sown in corruption, it is raised in in corruption, It is sown in disowner, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.

That picture that my body, our bodies are seeds, waiting to be planted, so that we can become what we were created to be stuck with me.  My body is a seed that is in the process of being cultivated, matured and made ready, for each step. All who love Jesus and believe in hope and do more than believe, but live for it, live for Him, will receive a new body.

Now, being 26 years old, I haven't had all that much time to experience real fear. Real cold, ohmyblank fear. I also haven't had alot of experiance with the fear of the body not functioning correctly. With strangeness, with things out of order and just plain not right. Not until the 23rd of November.

We were sitting around the breakfast table with a host who spoke French with an incredibly thick accent. My unit members had trouble understanding her, and one of them is a native French speaker. She was telling the story of her husbands horrible accident, that left him paralyzed for 17 years, and they were piecing together the story, (trying to understand her) when my husband seemed to interrupt everything with a sweeping gesture and a mumble, and then he was out. His head rolled down, his eyes vacant, and I shouted his name and sprung up to him. The woman on our team, who had nanny experience, stayed cool as a cucumber and told me to hold his head, and I wasn't really able to focus on anything. I heard her say that it was good that he was still breathing, but I just cried and held his head and said "Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus" I babbled something about the fact that maybe he fainted but I didn't know why.

Well duh, I should have known why! We were talking about a horrific bloody (literally bloody, not the British rude slang bloody) accident, and he can't really handle the idea of blood. But logic kind of takes a backseat when something so scary happens. I held his head and when he came to, I was debating about finishing my sob's in the bathroom or trying to pull myself together there. I think my heart finally started beating normally again about 3 hours later. I hung back until I could fall into his arms.

Fear loosened up my tongue. I wouldn't have cared if we were sitting at the table of a person that would have killed me for speaking Jesus name. That's the only thing I was able to say at that moment. The only worthwhile thing I could say.

And it's hitting me, how temporary this life is, how important my actions, decisions and attitudes are and how much more choosy I should be about my battles. I am learning this everyday.

Giving up is not an option. There is no such thing as a day off from being a Christian, for pushing ahead, from  yielding to his will for our lives. The Lord is not there to supply comfort, or fill any demands. He took the cross because of his great love for us.  How are we using the gifts he gave us? How are we preparing our seed for his kingdom?

Writing Plans- A miniblog with ideas

I feel my creative side waking up, and it's cool. I feel like I'm seeing the world in greater clarity. Through the eyes of a writer that wants to see things and share what they are and how they feel. I have been reading fiction more, and I've taken a few random writing prompts. They are out there. My husband found some geeky pictures to prompt me creatively, and the other day, as we were arriving at our housing for a school program, I realized it was too dark to read, but my computer was available. And the books I have on the computer were on the portable hard drive, which was in the back. (his name is Blue because of the light that emits while he is plugged in. He also purrs.) 

With fifteen minutes to go and nothing else to do, I started typing, watching the time tick down, and a storyline came together of imagining that I only had 15 minutes left to live. I kept typing faster and faster, using the time, trying to think of what it was that I had inside to share. The character I came up with didn't have a reason for hope, and didn't know what purpose there was to life. There is more drama in the creative process in not knowing. As the time got shorter, I was getting more into it, and I actually got my stomach all knotted up, in the stress of living in the moment of another reality. I was also really hungry too, so that probably didn't help. It was a fun exercise  I should do that again, the next time the clock is ticking down on the GPS, only with a character that does know what hope is, and about life after death. 

In other news, my French is getting better! I'm understanding more, and liking the sounds of it more. At church today, we sang, "Jèsu a vancu la mort." Jesus defeated death. I like how it looks in French, and the worship today was so alive and exciting and stirring. The meaning feels me up, not even in as much of an emotional way, but a war cry, excited, YEAH, kind of way. Vanquished. Took the sting out. Conquered. 

So, I'm going to make more of an effort to write shorter and more regular blogs now. Shorter is probably better for most people anyway. But I would be happy to get any kind of feedback, positive or negative or suggestions on length, style or theme. I mean, if you guys want to take the time to read this, I want to put effort into making it accessible and relevant and etc.

My Uncle Steve

I want to write about him. Steve was the easiest guy to get along with. It would have felt just weird to call him Uncle Steve because we saw each other all the time, and I think Erskine's are just too lazy for all those extra syllables. Or something. Maybe Ogden branch Erskine's. I mean, I wasn't called Katie, but Kate most of the time. Sometimes it still feels weird to hear "Katie", but it would feel too weird to introduce myself as Kate or to sign my name that way. So yeah, he was just Steve. I would go to Grandpa's house, and sit on the couch and talk to him about games and books and movies. I would admire his book collection. I would enjoy the hum of the house, Grandpa falling asleep with a cup of coffee in his hands, and Tim tinkering away on a car, or fixated on the sports game that happened to be on, or working on fascinating art projects with random mediums.
Grandpa's house. I still have to call it that, even though he's been gone for...wow, 6 years now. I have spent 7 of those years away from home, so it's always strange to come home, in my sporadic few week bursts.
I want to write about Steve, because I keep dreaming about him. I keep dreaming that I'm talking to him, like old times. And then I'm crying because I realize it's not real. I dream that he's proud of me, of what I'm doing. I can see in his eyes that he wants me to know that. I cry so hard in my sleep. I don't know if I actually did in real life. It's not hopeless, it's just such a long wait.
My family isn't all that touchy. The aunts pat the back, and hug. They pray and believe in miracles. And finding out that my uncle became a Christian before cancer seemed to cut his life short. I say seemed, because that's an earthly perspective of course. There is not cutting his life short. He's living forever right now. But I didn't really get to hug him. Maybe I did at Grandpa's funeral. That day was a blur, of course. It was the first day I was really presented with the glaring reality that this body is just a tent. A temporary means of travel and an instrument to make the most important choices with. A mouth to declare the truth and hands and feet to be ready to serve the Lord.
I may offend some people, but hey, they don't have to read this. (Or they can look past the offence if they see that it's not worth the effort and pain of unforgiveness that just causes pain and sickness in the long run.)
I was kind of annoyed with Steve's funeral paper thing. It made it seem like he was a firm, strong in the Lord Christian his whole life, like his whole life was being faithful and passionate about telling people about his faith. And no, that wasn't true. He wrote himself that he search for 50 years, not knowing the Lord was searching for him. He wrote about wasted time and being overwhelmed by the love of Jesus as he knew his life was swiftly coming to an end. But it occured to me, as I wrote that, that maybe he was written about like that, because the few weeks (or however long it was, I'm out of touch with America, remember?) were the most full, exciting, and powerful weeks of his life. And it fulfilled him and everyone around him so much, that everything before just seemed like a foggy memory. I heard about how he was excited to pray for people, whenever there was an opportunity. And I have shared his words with people all over Germany, Austria, Switzerland, and now France, and soon Belgium and Luxembourg will get to hear some of the prayers and thoughts that (my aunt) Ella  painstakingly typed up, because his handwriting was hard to read. I have another wonderful friend that will type it up in French. (because I can mostly translate it into German, almost memorized by now, but since I'm not there anymore, it's not so necessary)
He said he wouldn't want to go back, to be healed, and to go back to way life was before. He asked God to give him strength, to help him to use the time he had.
He loved his dogs, they were his children. He sometimes ate canned soup while he fed his dogs chicken! ha ha..that's my family. Priorities, all the way. He appreciated old books, and bad puns and science fiction. There were always piles of books around him. When I went into his room, which was mostly packed up, I started picking up books, because it was so natural. Books, being enthralled by a story, being sucked in, and exhaling out the excitement and resolution, sucking for air at the end sometimes. If I ever expressed the vaguest notion of wanting to borrow something, he would already have it in his hands. As soon as anyone had any kind of need, his eyebrows would go up in this, "Hmm, what can I do about it" kind of way. He seriously would give people the shirt off of his back, no problem. He loved his family so much, even though he didn't say it. And the last time I got to talk to him was either in December or early January of the year that he died in March. There was some problem with skype or the phone. I could hear him, but he couldn't hear me. Can you imagine how painful that was? He asked for me a few times, and I was shouting, "Yes, yes, I'm here!" And then he said, well, sorry, I can't hear you. But I'm glad you called. It's good to hear from you." And was gone. That wasn't the last contact. I did write him a letter. Telling him I loved him. It was read to him by one of the aunts. It's so good that I had the chance to say what I wanted to say. I do miss him. And if airfare wasn't so expensive, I could go into that strange empty house that (my uncle) Tim has made so nice. It doesn't have the comfortable clutter it used to, the coffee table filled with coffee cups and magazines and books and VHS's and glasses and mail. But there are still dogs, and he is still there, and the memories are still there. They breathe new life into us, and inspire us to love the way Grandpa and Steve loved, to give so cheerfully the way they did, and to be strong, and hold onto the promise, whether you have lived that promise for decades, or are in need for strong arms to catch you right now, because our tomorrows are not promised.

Grey hair, unity, and more faith basics

What I've learned about myself-

1. I am currently finding more grey hairs. (Thanks premature graying genes.) I think I am up to about 3 now.

2.I'm not as vain as I used to be, especially about the length of my hair and how pretty that makes me feel. I found this out after feeling pretty emotionless after getting my hair cut short the other day.

3. I would rather not do things at all sometimes than do them half as well as I think I could.

I, Mrs. “Good-enough-mantra-kid-since-the-concept-of-school,-grades-and-passing-and-failing” Katie, do have perfectionistic tendancies. Because of that, I have let multiple important relationships fall, have avoided creativity, and have neglected this blog. I haven't felt so inspired, not with my stories, not with to-do lists, not with all that much. It's a time of mission, I suppose. In my world, the world of 2 missions a year, this is the Exodus 2012 mid mission hump. (Soon it will be Christmas, though it sure doesn't feel like that, because it has been so wonderfully warm. France is wonderful, I tell you what. We went swimming a few weeks ago. In the ocean. The ocean that is outside.)

4.I am afraid to get inspired and passionate about things sometimes, because it can make me feel like I'm not even a drop in the bucket. I got emotional and angry and bothered about politics a few weeks ago. I'm not even going to turn this into a political blog, because then it's just a “my side and your side” thing, and I think Christians should go for the solidarity of Jesus, his absolute love and forgiveness for all of us, Republicans and Democrats and Green and Tea Party and Brony and Nerdfighter alike. I don't know how to find the line between opinion and emotion, and I don't want to alienate people because of either of them. It's hard.

5.If I don't understand something, I avoid it with a ten foot pole. I didn't just learn that. I mean, that's how I was in school, from the point where things didn't come naturally. Somewhere around the beginning of third grade. Around the time I threw that hammer at Britta. (Sorry Britta.) (And all my former Unit Leaders that had to deal with me....)

6.I don't want to be guilty of hiding behind a Bible. I was recently talking to a host who was talking about how Jesus didn't condemn the woman at the well, who was caught in adultry. He didn't point out how bad she was and make sure everyone else knew that he was against that kind of behavior. He loved her and said, “Don't go back. Don't do it anymore. Be forgiven.” I don't want to read the bible looking for what God hates, but I want to discover how to love the way he does. I know that I need grace as much as the people who use children as human shields. It's a human perspective to think that the “good family man” is a lot closer to the Lord than the “person putting razor blades and heroin in kids halloween candy.” The smallest sin separates us from God. Jesus brings us close, because he chose to pay the price of our sin's against him. This may seem like a basic thing, but especially at times like this, coming into an intense election, and feeling all the things that separate us, we have to stick to what unites us. We had a wonderful time of ministry at an English speaking church last Sunday, and there was an especially moving responsive reading. The Pastor wrote it with a lot of passion, I could feel that. I want to share a bit of it.

“Gracious God, we thank you for being here amongst us this morning and we come to you with different needs.”

Some of us here need to say “Help me” And some of us need to say “Save me” and some of us need to say “Hold me” And some of us need to say “Forgive me” So we will wait together, forgive one another as you forgave us, and we will praise you together. Amen.

Blessed are you Lord for you hear our prayers and our hearts dance for joy as we worship you. Amen.

I especially love that part about needing to say, “Hold me” to the Lord.

It was an incredibly encouraging time, to talk to him and his wife, to see how the Lord has provided for him, and to see how we were brought together to do ministry in apart of France where there haven't been a lot of doors open in along time! I could write a whole blog about that, but I will save it for another time. I do have more to say, wow! That's cool!

Be blessed, friends. I hope these ramblings have been worth the time.

Katie

A Path

Oh Consuming Fire
destroy my disobedience
Burning Pillar by night
lead me
I want to go to Mount Zion
to the city of the Living God
As the waves of faith lap against my weary heart
As I am gently guided to go where I don't want to go


"Therefore straighten the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord, looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled..."Hebrews 12:14

We have to be careful where we walk. The path that we are on becomes our destiny. It becomes the state of healing that our heart is on. And it becomes our character.

"A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgement. A fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart." Proverbs 18:1-2

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise; For yet a little while, And He who is coming will come and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him." Hebrews 10:35-38

He is faithful to remove our hurts. He is our shepard! I like the wording in Psalm 23:2- He makes me to lie down in green pastures. I can picture myself saying, No, I'm fine, I don't need to rest. I can keep going, I'm tough, and gently being pushed onto soft, springy refreshingly cool grass. I can almost hear the Shepard of my busy soul saying, "Hush. Feel this grass I made for you. He knows I'm heading into the valley of the shadow of death, and unless my soul is restored, I won't be ready. I won't have the quiet confidence to have no fear. I won't be comforted in the knowledge that He is with me.

I'm not being cryptic or enigmatic. There are seasons in all of our lives where we are headed for lush pastures, and for the the valley of the shadow of death. It's a shadow. It's dark, and scary and unknown. But Jesus conquered death. He took the sting out of it. So ".. let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame,  and has sat down at the throne of God. (Heb. 12:1-2)

Bless you!

About French, MS, joy and life- An Update

Man, I can't write an status update on facebook to sum up the things I want to talk about. There's too much. I've been wanting to write about this new call to France, or rather, Frankophone Europe (French speaking Europe, for those of you that might not know that. I didn't know it until a few weeks ago.)

During this past retreat, which is a wonderful time of being together and getting closer to the Lord and our call and the community of Covenant Players- my awareness that there was a real need for someone to go to France was growing. This was the area that always sounded the most difficult. I didn't feel connected to the language, and I had heard so much negative stuff about it. When our supervisors asked us, we were ready to say “Yes.” We knew it was where the Lord wanted us to go. And then began our French immersion. Learning plays phonetically and letting go of the German language and our old area. We had said our goodbyes, so it wasn't such a shock. Of course, as soon as I started trying to put French into my brain, the only thing that came out was Swedish. (Which is only bits and bobs, so no one thinks I'm “that” amazing at languages. )

To be agonizingly honest, because I guess I'm really determined to be human and real- I had a breakdown working on my second French play. (SEARCH was nothing- DEPEND ON IT broke me down.) I cried onto my script in front of my poor brand new Unit Leader. Praise the Lord, he's an encouraging, prayerful, positive in every sense of the word man of God, so it didn't intimidate him. He just kept saying “I know you can do it! You are awesome! You can do it!” It helped, the Lord was there, and I got those 2 first roles in French for unit showcasing. (Which is where each unit performs for the campus as a way to prepare for the first programs of tour.)

I was more scared for that first official French PD than I was for coming to CP in the first place, than my first rollar coaster, than seeing a spider crawl on me, than.....I don't know what else I was more scared than, but I was scared. A lot. The PD happened, and the old folks loved it and all was okay.

And then we got to our next host home, and I met Evelyn. A former Covenant Player who had to stop traveling because of MS. Multiple sclerosis. And we talked and talked. She is so happy. She is stuck in a wheelchair, she can't feed herself, she can't remember names for very long, and she can't play with her nieces and nephews. But she can talk, and sing, and worship, and her hope is so strong, nothing can take it away. She talked about how she loved to perform, and she even loved the contact work. She loved being around people. Her Mom said that when she was a little girl, a traveling missionary came to her sunday school class, and she said, “Hey! Why aren't we traveling missionaries?”

She was so open about not wanting to feel sorry for herself, and when she would talk about what was hard, she would then light up and say, “But I'm so happy because you are here! Because it's so good to see Covenant Players! And I'm happy because of Jesus! I'm so excited for heaven! I'm so happy to talk to you!” I shared a song with her, “I Can Only Imagine”, and she just lit up inside and out. She wanted me to sing it again. She wanted to find it and listen to it again and again. She said, “I want to dance for Jesus!” She said these things with a beautiful, real, sincere smile.

Later on I looked at some quotes I've collected and got hit with equally big convictions.

“Doubt is self-fulfilling.”

“Our citizenship demands that we have a different mindset.”

Thank the Lord for spiritual smacks upside the head.

Now I'm working with less fear, and with less expectancy to get the lines as fast as I get English and German ones. Now I'm full of joy that is as real as the air I breathe. Joy in the fact that God is in control and it's not a toothy, silly wackiness, but a confidence. Confidence in the hope that I have. We are called, we are here, and He is with us, and if God is for us, who can be against us?

A Warning about Judgments

A warning is a specific thing. In childhood, a warning is issued, saying that if an action or behavior is not taken seriously, is repeated, then there will be consequences. There are signs along the road saying, “CAUTION” when there is a risk of falling rocks, or unexpected twists, or basically anything dangerous for someone not paying close attention. Judgment is usually the reaction to not following a warning. A behavior or action was committed again. The warning was not taken seriously. The warning was ignored. The warning was taken to mean- “Well, as long as I don't get caught, I won't get in trouble.”. The authority was not listened to, so the punishment is now in the hands of the authority.

Why is this concept applicable and understandable to everything but the Lord God, creator of the heavens and earth?

As the result of a campaign the enemy has been undertaking since he found out how little time he had left, not to mention the campaign of the human heart, making excuses for sin and rationalizing it away, the words “warning” and “judgment” have radially different definitions than they were ever meant to have.

From a worldly point of view, warnings are taken to be judgments. And judgments are thinly veiled personal complaints about whatever makes one uncomfortable.

Atheist’s don't like God, so they chose to not believe in him. And people that have no idea about Him, but want to believe, pick up a little idol I like to call “Genie”, and they ask it for things, not necessarily bad things either, personal healing, healing for others, relationships, growth, whatever. But it's a one sided relationship because they only ask, they don't listen. And as soon as they don't receive, they give up on that little idol-God and say, “Oh, I tried Christianity. I tried God. It didn't work for me.”

Or maybe they go deeper than that, but as soon as they read something in the bible that doesn't sit right with them, that hurts a little too much, that would imply there would need to be some personal change, sacrifice and commitment, they put that down too. As if our own comfort level should be the standard for what is right and wrong.

The Bible is full of warnings. It's a love letter in the sense that the Lord, the Savior of the earth, gives us chance upon chance upon chance to come back to him. To be forgiven. To receive his love and grace even after we've spiritually spit upon him while his death crushing sacrifice was happening. When we've plugged our ears at his warnings to just follow him, to leave our sin and lose our bondage.

This is something I wrote a few months ago-

Love is not acceptance.

Discipline is not hate.

Sin is not subjective.

Our master is not fate.

Purring lies are friendlier than truth,

smoothing hair and patting heads

The strong arms to lean and grasp will pull you down to death

Truth called out- “Oh, don't believe them!

I love you too much to see you fall!”

Mouth grimly set, you said

“Don't judge me. I already know my call.”

Love is not empty handed. Love never stops hoping.

Love makes the night shine like the day.

Nothing can get in the way of love.

Don't confuse warnings and judgments.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

There was a guilty woman, an adulteress. She was brought to a group, to be stoned, according to the old law, the old covenant. Because her sin was discovered, and before Jesus, the wages of that sin was a swift punishment of death. The wages of sin was also animals, like I've talked about before, the blood sacrifice. But then Jesus said that whoever was without sin should cast the first stone. They all gradually left, and it was just her and Jesus, and he asked her who was still there, (because he was busy writing something really interesting in the dirt with his finger, sure wish I knew what that was) and she said, “No one, my lord.” And he said, “Neither do I accuse you. Go and sin no more.” She didn't have to die right then and there because of her sin. She had to be aware of her sin, and she had to be alone before Jesus with it. And he had to forgive her and set her free with his power, because he was the ONLY one who could DO IT. And that is where we are now.

Listen to me, people. Defining sin is NOT judgment. If no one knows what sin is, no one knows they need a savior. If no one is warned that judgment will come from the only truly righteous One who ever existed, then what did Jesus die for? If we don't appreciate what he did enough to even think about it, to think about what it means, about the love that went into it, if we don't think about the cost of our sin...then we need to. This is a warning because I feel the time is short, and sin doesn't need to be coddled anymore. It's been comforted enough. It's had enough excuses made for it. Sin will not bring peace in the long run. No matter how right it feels, if it goes against the word of God, if it goes against our God given conscience, it is wrong. Put some purity into your minds, church. Let the truth of our Lord have more time in your heart and mind than other things.

The worldly agenda is being shoved downs our throats on a daily basis. We are in the world, and we should definitely not hide under pink Christian blankets from it, but we should love and pray for wisdom to know how to warn the ones we love, in love, because we love them and we love the Lord that died for them. So if you are looking for a way to counter that world agenda, pray for that wisdom, because we need it.

1John 1:3

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called the children of God.

Bless you! Go in Power!  

Study of Blood- Part 2

While reading 2 Corinthians 12, I was hit with the theme of authority. That word spoke to me in a deep way and I realized- if I have any authority to speak, it only comes from His word, from His Holy Spirit, gently, thoroughly pulling me into my calling. Combining my passion, my desire, my longing heart to make a difference, to write, to speak his words. I have a fire in my belly. To learn and share about the blood of Jesus, and what it means for us. Today. Right now.

So I'll go back a bit in time....

Moses carried the laws of God on his back from Sinai. Moses spoke with God, face to face. He wrote and proclaimed all the details that God wanted. He outlined everything he wanted to have done to atone for sin. It's not an easy read. He wanted his temple just so. He wanted the blood of animals. He wanted people to understand how much sin was not to be tolerated.

The purpose of the offerings was for them to take the place of sin. For a perfect, without blemish, cherished animal to take that sin. To become that sin, so that it's death represented the death of that sin, and our freedom to return to union with God.

He had so many details for how to live, how to look, how to reject uncleanliness because he called his people to be seperate. To be holy. For them to stick out like a sore thumb among others, so that others could look as His people and see exactly who they were, and who they represented. A sabbath for absolutely no working. Circumcision. Traditions like living in booths for a certain ammount of time to remember how they had lived in booths in the wilderness. He did call for a noticeable seperateness, to make a long story short.

The passover lamb was established in Exodus, the blood of the lamb to be placed over the doorframe, as protection from the angel killing the firstborn, when the Lord was showing his glory through the plagues, to show his power and to enable the Children of Israel to not only leave Egypt, but to plunder it as well and let his name become known throughout the world.

Ephesians 2:11

Therefore remember that you, once Gentiles in the flesh- who are called Uncircumcision by what is called Circumsision made in the flesh by hands,--that at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Isreal and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the word. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

It can be really easy to take it for granted, that I, a gentile, am a partaker in the promise of the God of the universe.

1 Corinthians 5:7 says "...Indeed Christ, our Passover was sacrificed for us."

That is why he came. He came to tell people about His Father's kingdon, to testify what the Father put into his mouth. He came to die and to leave us the Holy Spirit to be with us all.

1 John 1:6

If we say that we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

These are some basic truths. I think it's really time to go to the basics because there is an enemy spreading  lies and basically it's a really dark world out there, saying that sin isn't real. And if there is no sin, then Jesus sacrificed himself for nothing. 

 May the Lord speak directly to you and give you passion for His Word, His love, and His presence. Amen.

Katie

Study of Blood- Part 1

Blood. It goes through our veins, it keeps us alive. It keeps everything in working order, spreading oxygen and nutrients to every inch our bodies. And for people aware or not of their sin's, shortcomings, wrongdoings, faults, blemishes (and any other synonym anyone can think of, I'm open to suggestions) requires it. 

Jesus has a lot of names, and descriptions as well, but one that should get a bit more attention is that he is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He is the God of the Old Testament. And just like we should take Good Friday to remember the time before he rose again, to remember the pain and anguish of his loving sacrifice, we should also take the time to remember what the world was like before there WAS a new covenant. When the Old Covenant was only available to God's chosen people. When the necessary requirement for sin involved a long drawn out process to keep the picture very clear in people's head how much sin was hated.

There is a fairly common practise in the United States, well, at least in a lot of places I've been to in the US, to give a “secret” altar call. It's a valid first step, and I'm not here to step on the toes of Pastor's methods. I want people to just look at it. A secret altar call is where an invitation goes out, if anyone wants to receive Jesus, they can raise their hand, and pray a prayer, right where they are sitting. Everyone will have their eyes closed and their heads bowed, so no one will be watching. But man, God calls for more than that. We have to acknowledge our sin! Back in Old Covenant days, of sacrifices and tents, people couldn't deny the fact that they needed forgiveness. Job made sacrifices for his children just in case they had sinned. We must show a little more thankfulness for what he has done, for the sacrifice that Jesus made once to make us clean from all unrighteousness. This is not an attack on introverts or introversion. This isn't so much about a church setting in front of people, but about our own hearts Thankfulness and the Holy Spirit inside of us gives us the strength to do what we can't do in our own strength. 

1 John 1:6

If we say that we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanes us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we decieve ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

Acts 20:28 Says we are the church of God, purchased with his own blood, and that is something that is worth studying, so that is why I'm going to talk about Jesus' blood for awhile, because it's an important topic, and I'm finding so much in the bible about it, that I could easily write a book! I want to go deep into what it means to be purchased by his blood, and why he chose to die for us, the Holy Spirit's role in transforming us, and some basic, fundamental principles about what it means to be a Christian, not according to what Katie says, but according to what the Word says.

Thank you for reading, and may you be transformed by the Lord,and may He expand your faith.  

Katie

Hope Ain't Easy

Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for my sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets before you.

Matthew 5:11-12

Those two pretty difficult sayings from the sermon on the mount would be impossible without faith. Faith and hope. Those are pretty words, often found on necklaces and smoothed stones in gardens.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

Look at mourning. What is mourning, when you have the deep hope of the resurrection burning inside of you? It is a time of sadness, a time of remembrance. It is sadness for what has been taken out of this world, but has been brought into glory and peace, with no more pain and no more sorrow. It becomes pretty clear that mourning with hope and without hope are two different animals.

Look at suffering. 

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character, and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:1-5

Hope doesn't disappoint. As it is growing and manifesting inside of us, it is growing something stronger than we are. But it does sound like a painful process. I've heard something pretty deep, recently. Some people have made the joke, “Don't pray for patience, because God will send you a reason to grow some.” And then they take it to heart, and avoid praying for it, asking for God to give them much needed growth. Stunting themselves by refusal to ask for a much needed thing.

If we want hope, we can't hide from that process either. It certainly seems to me that what we call hope can be wishful thinking when it doesn't go through the process of being real, seasoned mature and cultivated. When we resist tribulations, then we resist perseverance, then our character isn't made stronger, and hope can't exist.

Let's look at how the bible defines hope- ...even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly awaiting the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.  

Romans 8:23b-25 

Hope is something living, eager, growing, pushing. Hope is as much of a verb as love is. Hope isn't easy or pretty or sugar coated. Hope is passion, a glimmer of the glory of the Holy Spirit shining through us, enableing us to call on Jesus in our troubles, to call Him Lord even when everything is hurting so bad, and to believe that we will be comforted, we will be blessed, and he will be with us.

And now abide faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Amen? 

Two Passionate People

Luke 18:1-8
Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart, saying; "There was in  a certain city a judge who did not fear God nor regard man. Now there was a widow in that city; and she came to him, saying, 'Get justice for me from my adversary.' And he would not for a while, but afterward he said within himself, 'Though I do not fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.'"
Then the Lord said, "Hear what the unjust judge said. And shall God not avenge his own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though he bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on this earth?


That makes me think of the father of the child who was demon possessed, who is heart broken by the torment of his child. He says, "...But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possile to him who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9 22b-24)

Just think of the passion of these two people. That first woman, pounding on that door. "I have been wronged! This is not fair, and someone is going to do something about this. You are the judge. I don't care if you fear God or regard man! I'm a woman, and I may not have alot of power, but I do have a voice the power to disrupt your sleep until you do something for me. I do have the power to get all over your nerves, not just on them. I will be your shadow. I will wait for you because I have been WRONGED. Avenge me of my adversary. Avenge me. Avenge me now. Do you hear me, judge? AVENGE ME.

Think of this father. This child that he loved with all his heart was being tormented by a demon. This demon threw his baby to the ground, threw him into fire and water trying to kill him again and again. His child foamed at the mouth and wallowed like an animal with rabies. Tormenting thoughts probably gushing into his brain constantly, his voice stolen by liars, his ears stopped by liars. The burns, the scars, the abuse, the exhaustion, never knowing if his child would live to feel freedom again. This father was probably in as much of a need of healing as the child was, living through this. Think of his passion. He heard of some people that would be able to help. He probably didn't fully dare to believe that this nightmare could be over. These disciples tried, but couldn't. They couldn't. He probably didn't have many words left, just gulping out. They couldn't, but IF you can, please, have compassion. See the suffering. See the hell. Help us. I have absolutely nothing else to contribute, so if you can't do it, there's no hope. Jesus with all his authority rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!" Then the spirit cried out, convulsed him greatly, and came out of him.


This is such a dark place to live. And Christians, acknowledge it. Let's ask God to avenge us of our adversaries. Let's ask for our faith to be increased. Let's recognize sin's ugly face and do something about it.

The disciples, maybe in shame and or bewilderment asked Jesus why they couldn't cast it out. Jesus answered, "This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting."

Matthew 24:41
Watch and prayer, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is week.

The temptation today is to accept sin as a characteristic. To applaud and lobby for sin. To put the desires of the world above the word of God. To sink into the world. To not count the cost of being a Christian. What does that cost mean to you? What are you passionate about? Are you ready to get on God's nerves? Bazinga. You can't. Are you ready to ask him to grow your faith? Are you ready to...gulp....fast and pray? That's a particularly hard one for me. Ask my husband, I'm a grouch when I'm hungry. But if God gives me the strength, I can do that too. Hey, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Are you ready?

Touching Heaven via Africans in Swtizerland

I hope I didn't make a wrong impression from the beginning, that the only point of this blog would be confronting sinful attitudes on a platform and a lot of cut and paste bible verses. For anyone who takes the time to read my long long blog, insert link to black and white prophet, I thank you. I didn't just google verses, I read all of them before hand, as I gathered my confused, hurting heart together to seek God's will in my life, and in my reaction to family members stumbling around over the evil spirit of confusion.

The breathe we have in our lungs was given to us to express God's goodness. Today, I performed at an African church. And because I was performing, I had to hold back tears sometimes. For silly reasons. Because I was feeling free! Because I missed that feeling of exuberance and joy. Because I was handed a tamborine. I don't remember the last time I was handed a tamborine. Because at the end of one of the plays, my character was choosing to stick to the straight and narrow path, and people were clapping and praising God. Because African churches make me feel homesick.

That is such a symbol of how big God is. That in totally different cultures, I felt the pull of my real home. After the service, music was playing loudly and I danced steps I didn't know as pounding rhythms pulled me to return to a place I've never been. Where there is no more pain and no more sorrow, where every tear will be wiped away. Where no one is strange or disfigured in heart or soul. Where no one is held captive to fear or worry.

Here's some truth to chew on, to write upon your hearts, to get you through whatever you are going through right now.

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.

Psalm 56 8-9

You number my wanderings; Put my tears into your bottle; Are they not in Your book? When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This is know, because God is for me.

Broken People- A Poem

I thought since my last post was so ridiculously long, I would put a short poem here today.

Broken people, past the Christian cliches

Hiding from sorrow, scraping off pain

Through a glass darkly

Human limitations tinted glass

doesn't let a lot of light in

Provider, Comforter, Healer- Truth self sustained

What I don't understand is what you have to gain

From me...bruised as my blindness led me confidently

into solid defeat

But my defeat became my salvation, leading me to your patient arms.

Bless you, and thank you for reading. 

The Black and White Prophet

I have been on a journey through the bible, and a lot is becoming clear to me. As the bible is living and breathing and changing my heart, and reforming my mind through the Holy Spirit, I can't be quiet any more. ..His word was in my heart like a burning fire, shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, And I could not.-Jeremiah 20:9b

This is what this blog is about. I actually created this blog to post things like this. Because I am getting weary of holding the truth back. 

2 Chronicles 29:5

Hear me, Levites! Now sanctify yourselves, sanctify the house of the Lord God of your fathers, and carry out the rubbish from the holy place.

This is a clear call to Christians. We have a responsibility to clear out God's temple. Our bodies, our souls, our attitudes, and anything that is not honoring to God.

“...that our God may enlighten our eyes and give us a measure of revival in our bondage.” Ezra 9:8b

Psalm 119:125

I am Your servant Lord; Give me understanding, That I may know your testimonies. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO ACT, O LORD, For they have reguarded Your law as void. Therefore I love your commandments More than gold, yes, than fine gold! Therefore all your precepts concerning all things I consider to be right; I hate every false way.

God doesn't make mistakes. I won't put this verse in, I'll leave some things to be looked up. Psalm 139:13-16

It is time for those who follow Christ to be different.

If you only read one of these verses, read this one.

Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil; Who put darkness for light and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!

This is what I must say. What I must address. I can't be quiet. The truth is pushing down on me. And this wicked world of acceptance of everything is evil. Of course I believe in the love of God. This is what Easter is about. Of course I know that no one is perfect.

That is also what Easter is about. That this world was and is so lost without Jesus. That God's price for sin is so incredibly high because he abhors sin that much.

For a brief history lesson, God had warned the children of Israel to turn from idols, from horrific things, from sins that would make some talk shows  blush. From burning babies on alters to false Gods, to...other horrific things. God had warned them over and over again, that his wrath would fall on them because IT. WAS. NOT. RIGHT.

Then He was preparing to send them to Babylonia. If they went were he sent them, they would live. If they didn't, they would die. He told them to accept this plan. And they still didn't listen. He told them- Don't trust in people. Don't go where it looks safe, for example Egypt. If you run, you will die. If you accept the words of my prophets, you will live. And they said. "Hmm...I think I'll go to Egypt. And then lamenting began, as they started to die. Oh God! Why is this happening? Will you be angry forever?

There were plenty of false prophets saying, “Peace, peace, everything is peachy. Don't worry, be happy.” 

These false dudes were like, "How dare you speak anything negative!" 

When real prophets that were doing what God told them to do said the truth, they were tortured, they were mocked, they were put to death. People didn't want to hear the truth. And of course they *almost never will when that means they have to change.

That is the world viewpoint we have to live with, shoved down our throats on a daily basis. False prophets saying, ”Peace, peace. Do what feels right.” They twist phrases Jesus said about “not judging” to mean, don't speak the truth. Offending anyone is equal to saying the holocaust didn't happen or kicking puppies. Reading the bible is okay, but preaching any of the messy things is not such a good idea.

There aren't enough people who FEAR THE LORD ANYMORE.

Jeremiah sums it up pretty well-

Be astonished, O heavens at this, And be horribly afraid; Be very desolate, says the LORD. For my people have commited two evils; They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, And hewn themselves cisterns- broken cisterns that can hold no water. (Jeremiah 2:12-13)

If we have the truth inside of us, if we know Jesus is the truth, why are we putting up with false attitudes? Why are we dry and chapped and thirsty and wondering why broken cisterns aren't holding any water? Why have we come so far from the living water, and built up idols of worry, of acceptance that is really just thinly veiled thinking that sin doesn't exist, and that Jesus isn't the only door to heaven?

Why are we giving up and living like we don't have hope? Like truth doesn't exist? Why are we playing the part of false prophets by acting like there is nothing wrong when people live in sin? People that have known the truth?

We are supposed to love all people. But we are not supposed to accept sin and live buddy buddy with it. There is such thing as a responceability, that Ezekiel makes very clear.

“When I say to the wicked, “You shall surely die, and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. Yet, if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul.” (Ezekiel 4:18-19)


God is not cold and mean. Look at this.

Ezekiel 18:23- “Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? Says the Lord GOD, “and not that he should turn from his ways and live? When  a righteous man turns away from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and does according to all the abominations that the wicked man does, shall he live? All the righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; because of the unfaithfulness of which he is guilty and the sin which he has committed, because of them he shall die.

Maybe it's been awhile since we've had any inkling at all of how big the Lord is. That he fills the heavens and the earth. That he created the whole thing. Maybe it's been along time since you really thought on the sacrifice that he made, the horrible, undefinable pain he endured on that cross. He submitted to it. He did it because of love. Because he loved us just that much.
 The great I AM, lived as a human, and allowed his skin to be pierced, flogged and ripped. Maybe you are more afraid of people than him. Maybe you want to follow Jesus, but you want to follow the pleasures of the world a lot more.

Turn and live. Really live. What is your priority?


I choose to submit to the truth, no matter the cost. 

A new place to put controversial opinions!

I have had a myspace, where I wrote notes. It is still out there, gathering electronic dust. I have a facebook that is a main source of contact to the world. I have a twitter that I look at...maybe a few times every couple of months. I think I started a live journal but I never ever checked it. Then the threatening emails came saying, "Do something or we will cancel this! The end is near!" And I said, in my heart of hearts, "meh." I started a blog somewhere else, but I forgot where it was.

I was inspired to start one again, in light of my vigorous bible reading plan, thoughts about that, and opinions that I'd rather be more bold about, but would rather not shout out on my facebook. I'd rather have a place where I can write that is not so public, but that anyone who wants to can read it. Be offended, fight, agree, think, whatever. They can know it's here, they can ignore it just as easily as they can click on it. So that's my reasoning.

So for this short introduction, I will explain why I chose this name, "The Longing Heart." It's from Psalm 106:8-9-  "Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for his goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfies the longing soul, And fills the hungry soul with goodness."

I think that speaks for itself.