Back in America, with grace to think about.

We made it back here. Back to the country of my birth. It's amazing how weak, confusing and painful it is to be pushed out of a comfort zone. Being in transition means being knocked out of everything you have worked to do and become, means being seperated from the people who know you best, who can vouche for who you are and what you mean to them. It feels like going from someone to noone. Of couse family and friends know who you were, and there will be time for them to get to know who you have become.
Another unfortunate affect of transition, of going back is how easy it is to revert to a much less evolved version of yourself.

Vacation mind is enmity to God. It doesn't have to be, but if often is. It's selfish, entitled, and lazy. It's idolizing rest and freedom and being "off the clock and off of life" and is easily enraged when those things are taken away. Either wanting that abundance of freedom to just let go is an idol, or being in the midst of it, and letting boredom become a way of life in that time is.

We who have grace can really lose track of what that grace means, and what it cost. We can construct a really beautiful idol that takes up the most space in our thoughts, conversation and search history. We can let the grace sit in the shadow of that thing, gather dust and eventually only become a faded funeral marker.

I have been thinking a lot about idols and I am so convicted that the things that cause the biggest reactions inside of me, that errupts out in my thoughts, words and actions, those are my idols. The things I think I deserve the most, the things I allow myself to worry about, the things that cause me to lash out in anger, these are the signposts to my idols.

If we call ourselves Christian, we wake up each morning to reaffirm our commitment to Him. We watch our thoughts and our words and our actions because we love him. Because the gospel is not something that is only for "those people who obviously need it." We are ALL "those people." The gospel is the only way to keep ourselves from getting rotten inside out. Grace is the cross we didn't deserve. Grace is a perfect life lived in really uncomfortable circumstances. Grace is the King washing dusty, poop stained feet. Grace is the opposite of a vacation mindset. Grace says, "I have received too much. What can I give you?" Grace see's the hurting heart inside EACH human, not just the ones we like or agree with, and loves them. Loves.

Grace will save me from myself as I navigate a culture I don't remember, as I miss my beloved family in Europe, and as I look to the future. Grace costs too much. Idols are worthless and too heavy and they weigh down all of life.
 Let us throw off and far away every thing that hinders and holds us back  and run with endurance, stamina and joy the race set before us, keeping our eyes only on Jesus, the finisher and perfecter of our faith, our life, our grace made flesh.