I'm not okay.

I'm not good enough. I'm not where I need to be. I start too many sentences and thoughts with the word "I."
I am haunted by some things, that aren't as bad as what others have been through...

okay, time out-
We can't compare what we know in our heads to be "not as bad" or "painful" as other peoples. That is just not worth the time it takes to express that thought. Other people have it worse, but so what? You have valid emotions and your heart ache is equal in God's heart to anyone elses. 

And we're back.

I am in public ministry. I have been stuck into the lie that being where people can see me means I can't say that I'm not okay. There's nothing like being home with family to show you for who you really are.

I am impatient and have unforgiveness and anxious about things I can't change. I have entitlement issues. I have abandonment issues. God is working in me, and is using my emotional reactions to show where my beliefs are. I am going to let His grace be sufficiant. Maybe if we shared our weaknesses with each other more often, we wouldn't feel so trapped and alone. Maybe we could go up and ask for prayer without shame, or ask our friends. Maybe we wouldn't wait until we felt totally "holy" to pray for someone else.

God is doing big things and I don't know about you, but I'm not going to let my weakness stand it the way. I am going to boast about it because it is the only way to depend on His strength.

I'm not good enough. I am an admitted, forgiven sinner that is loved by the Creator, who died on a cross to redeem my soul. Because He saw that I was WORTH it.

I'm not where I need to be. Now that right there is a lie. I am where I need to be. I am deeply desiring to feel the arms of Jesus around me. I am seeking to lose everything that holds me back from being there.